The Gentleman’s Handbook, Vol. XIV To the Slopes

Some men ski. Some snowboard. Some get pruney in a hot tub while refraining from both. No matter which camp you’re in, you’ll want to read this before the annual ski trip: The Gentleman’s Handbook, Vol XIV: To the Slopes!

Unlike your average ski-trip primer, we have no gear tips for you. (Try SKI Magazine for those.) We have no nice things to say about Vail or Aspen or Whistler or Chamonix (though they all have something to recommend them). And we definitely don’t have any advice about tracing figure-eights through two feet of pow on a winter’s day.

Rather, this is the anti-traditionalist’s guide to ski trips, with highly necessary tips on things like hot-tub etiquette, on-piste cannabis consumption and attempting to pond-skim without making front page of the local newspaper for all the wrong reasons.

Plus: a handy flowchart to help you answer the mountain’s most difficult question: Can I ski down this?

Only one way to find out.

7 Killer Ski Resorts You’ve Probably Never Heard Of
Don’t go where the crowds go. Instead, find the perfect place for …

… Skipping the lift lines on the busiest day of the year

There’s no place quite like Cimarron Mountain Club in Telluride, Colorado. Set on 1,750 acres of private, preserved acres in the San Juan Mountains and boasting a 14,000-square-foot lodge and more skiable terrain than Aspen Mountain, Cimarron is the perfect mountain … for the 15 families who own memberships. More or less a mini national park for the heavy of wallet. Shoot us an invite if you score a spot.

… Easy access, small crowds and less coin than Cimarron

If you want a ski-cation that includes a healthy heaping of the arts, Sundance Mountain Resort is just 45 minutes south of Park City and its attendant film festival. The handsome resort offers an ongoing author series, live music, pottery classes … hell, it’s even got a glass blowing studio. All in the shadows of 12,000-foot Mount Timpanagos, with 450 acres of skiable terrain.

… A bachelor party you’ll actually remember

Thanks to some bonkers pricing, flights to Northern Europe are preposterously low at the moment. Head to Hemsedal Ski Resort in Hemsedal, Norway. It’s a tiny village in the Scandinavian Mountains. Waterfalls, aurora borealis … and the town’s got three nightclubs. Ha det gøy!

… Skiing in and out of a private treehouse

Introducing the Snow Bear Chalets at Whitefish Ski Resort in Whitefish, Montana. The beautiful, first-of-their-kind environs sit just off Glacier National Park, amidst runs that get absolutely dumped on each year. Not to mention the private hot tub, stone gas fireplace, full-amenities concierge service, it’s an effing treehouse … Bring your significant other. She (or he) won’t soon forget this one.

… Jumping out of a freaking helicopter

Want the perfect compromise between societal trappings and the great outdoors? Try some heli-skiing in British Columbia’s backcountry. The Albreda Lodge in Mike Wiegele’s Heli Village is the handmade timber lodge of your dreams. And Wiegele is a modern pioneer of the sport. His team will take you and yours into the gripping Monashee and Cariboo ranges for an exhilarating run over any of 1.2 million acres of pristine powder.

… East-Coast skiing minus the East-Coast crowds

The Waterville Valley Resort in Waterville, NH, regularly hosted World Cup events from the late ’60s through the early ’90s, thanks to Mount Tecumseh’s tantalizing 2,020-foot drop. Today it’s a must-stop for anyone looking to affordably test out 60 runs of fresh terrain, a good chunk of that ideal for bringing along the tykes. Added bonus? The zero-stoplight alpine village feels like it’s transported straight out of an ’80s ski comedy.

… Pure, unfiltered romance

Book a stay at Hotel Schloss Pontresina in Pontresina, Switzerland. It’s a refurbished 19th century castle with the turrets to prove it, in the almost obnoxiously charming Engandine Swiss valley. Enjoy full-moon skiing in Diavolezza (exactly what it sounds like), glacier views and easy access to nearby St. Moritz. We’re not saying you have to pack a ring, but we’re not discouraging it, either.

On-Mountain Wear

Your correspondent is a big proponent of the monochromatic outerwear play: when worn with confidence, it exudes a “Yeah, I’m good enough to rock this kind of sh*t” vibe that’s tough to beat on the hill. Plus you’re easy to spot in the lift line. Throw in some supertech base layers and a pair of socks that show everyone what Olympic squad you’re repping once the boots come off at après, and you’re ready to rock.

Crest Down Jacket
Aether • $725

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Apex Snow Pant
Aether • $375

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Expedition Long-Sleeve Zip Neck
North Face • $80

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Holt Snow Sports Helmet
Smith Optics • $70

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Reign Short Sleeve Crew
Rhone • $64

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Gold Elite Party Sock
Burton • $24.95

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Clutch Mitt
Burton X Gore-TEX® • $99.95

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ChromaPop Snow Goggles
Smith • $159.99

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Should I Ski Down This?

Rocky Mountain High Maintenance

So you’re going skiing in a state with legal cannabis. Bully you. But before you relive your college days on the hill, know that potency has increased quite a bit. Here are some tips to help you maintain the perfect high, regardless of the altitude.

Most budtenders are regular partakers; what they think is light might floor you.

The easiest, most discreet way to self-regulate is with edibles or tinctures.

Start with a low dose, like 2.5 mg, and then build from there.

Edibles deliver a long-lasting body high. Plus, no smoke or fumbling with a lighter in the wind.

Another reason to go edible: a lot of this stuff has gone gourmet.

CBD, the non-psychotropic component in cannabis, is pain-relieving and muscle-relaxing.

It can come in edible, vape and in a topical forms. Try it without THC when you’re on the mountain.

Happy trails.

How to Pond Skim

As told by Rocky Mountain Underground athlete Ben Smith and Ski Resort Jobs founder Gard Skinner.

Go Fast
Use wax beforehand and start as high as you possibly can on the hill. “If you think you have enough speed, you’re wrong, go faster,” says Smith. “On the flip side, the faster you go, the better chance you have of an amazing wipeout.”

Keep It Together
You’ll eat it if your feet are too far part. Keep the skis together. Wider skis like the RMU North Shore 122s are best for skimming. Smith: “If you have a pair of reverse camber, I would use those.” And keep off your edges. Flat as a board, light as a feather.

Aim
“Head straight for the spot on the other side of the pond you want to come out,” says Skinner. “And don’t turn.”

Sit Back on Impact
You’re a boat now. If your weight gets out over the tips of your skis, you will capsize. Not that you won’t anyway, according to Skinner. “Even if you follow these instructions to a T, you’ll still probably wind up on your rump. Pad accordingly.”

And remember …
“The costume counts way more than if you make it across, and if you can’t make it, crash big,” adds Skinner. “I think a nude fat suit with Trump’s hair tumbling at 40 MPH might make CNN. And it really is a lot more fun than it looks. It’s like that all day. Designated drivers are a valuable commodity.”

Off-Mountain Wear

Cue the hot toddies by the fireplace. Whether it was a good or bad day on the mountain, it’s your right — nay, duty — to après in good form. You know exactly what that means: chunky sweaters and relaxed everything else. Oh, and a flask for good measure. Ya never know when you’ll need a little personal nightcap.