Unless you’ve been marooned on a little island in the Pacific, you probably know that a raft of well-known men have been publicly maligned in recent weeks for reprehensible behavior toward women.
And while it goes without saying that you should under no circumstances waggle your d*ck at a female colleague, there are other, less pathological male misbehaviors that we could stand to correct as well.
So we talked to some of our female friends and staff members to compile a list of the 20 bad habits every man should resolve to eliminate in the new year. If you do more than 10 of the things listed here … might be time to head back to that little island in the Pacific and take a few years to figure things out.
- Manclipping: Aka forgetting to rinse your facial shavings out of the sink. Maybe it’s time to consider a beard bib.
- Mandenying: Aka claiming you can’t tell whether another man is attractive or not. It’s 2018. No one’s going to revoke your heterosexuality card for acknowledging the majesty of Ryan Gosling’s cheekbones.
- Mangrubbing: Aka ravenously eyeing a woman’s plate or expecting a bigger portion than her when you split something. If she needs help, she’ll ask.
- Man“help”ing: Aka expecting praise for completing the occasional house chore. It isn’t adorable that you dusted a cabinet last March.
- Mancouraging: Aka telling women they need to smile more … the ultimate M.O. for not getting a smile in return.
- Manplimenting: Aka giving a woman a compliment and expecting immediate interest in return. Compliments that demand validation probably aren’t actual compliments.
- Manhawking: Aka expectorating on a sidewalk, subway platform or other heavily trafficked public area. Save it for the shower.
- Manhanding: Aka rearranging your netherlies in a public setting. It’s a necessary evil sometimes — just try to be discreet.
- Mansolving: Aka offering advice and solutions to a woman when she just wants to vent. Does she incessantly suggest places to look when you can’t find your wallet?
- Mancorroborating: Aka confirming an idea or fact stated by a woman with another man. (Turns to male colleague at next cubicle: “Do we really do that?”)
- Manstagramming: Aka stalking women on Instagram and then sliding willy-nilly into their DMs. There are better apps for that.
- Mantapping: Aka poking your significant other with your morning wood to suggest that it requires immediate gratification. Would you wanna wake up to that?
- Manpologizing: Aka attempting to absolve or deflect blame in response to serious allegations. “I am sorry you were offended” is as much an accusation as it is an expression of genuine remorse.
- Mantimeofmonthing: Aka treating periods and tampons like taboo subjects. You’re not in a middle-school health class anymore.
- Mantexting: Aka sending Eeyore-like texts that are bereft of enthusiasm. Would it kill you to use an exclamation point, GIF, emoji or playful limerick once in awhile?
- Mantracepting: Aka not packing condoms and then expecting to get past second base. Don’t kid yourself, pal.
- Manburgering: Aka lording territorially over the grill. We get it, it’s yours. But it will not come down with cooties if you let someone flip a brat.
- Mantiquing: Aka telling a woman to tone down (or up) her sex appeal without being prompted to do so. Instead, try: “You look great! Uber’s waiting outside.”
- Manflecting: Aka deflecting serious conversations with jokes and sarcasm. Be man enough to express sincerity on occasion.
- Mantoiletseating: Aka leaving the seat up in the bathroom. Let this be the year you finally remember.