Finance | May 18, 2020 2:34 pm

J.K. Rowling Made the Grave Mistake of Asking the Internet to Explain Bitcoin

And the internet did not hold back

Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling
J.K. Rowling, author of the "Harry Potter" series and "The Ickabog."
Taylor Hill/FilmMagic

Like many of us, best-selling author J.K. Rowling spent this past weekend in lockdown drinking. But unlike the rest of us, who used that time to drunk text exes or slide into the DMs of our latest quarantine internet crushes, J.K. Rowling made the grave error of publicly asking someone to explain Bitcoin.

This is something no one should ever do, nor really have any need to do, because at any given time there is actually an army of Bitcoin enthusiasts just waiting to explain it to literally anyone who will listen. In fact, most women have to actively work to prevent men from explaining Bitcoin to them every single day.

Nevertheless, J.K. Rowling had to learn that lesson the hard way after knocking back a few old-fashioneds and apparently deciding that a quick internet lesson in cryptocurrency would be a fun way to spend her Saturday night.

“I don’t understand Bitcoin. Please explain it to me,” the author wrote in an actual tweet that sounds like the exact phrase a tech nerd would program a sex robot to say.

Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t long before Rowling was inundated with thousands of replies from crypto-enthusiasts who had been waiting all their lives for an opportunity like this.

Unfortunately for the residents of crypto-Twitter, J.K. Rowling was not impressed, and quickly realized her mistake.

“People are now explaining Bitcoin to me, and honestly, it’s blah blah blah collectibles (My Little Pony?) blah blah blah computers (got one of those) blah blah blah crypto (sounds creepy) blah blah blah understand the risk (I don’t, though.),” she tweeted.

But because Rowling hadn’t been approached by enough mansplainy tech nerds for one night, Elon Musk decided to weigh in, clarifying that while Rowling’s derisive summary of Bitcoin was mostly correct, currency issued by central banks actually makes Bitcoin “look solid by comparison.”

Around this time, the author revealed she was four old-fashioneds deep and any Bitcoin explanations might as well be written in Sanskrit. When one hopeful Bitcoin-splainer suggested Rowling take another crack at it sober, the writer simply replied, “I’ve got far more chance of grasping it drunk.”

Now, I hope we’ve all learned a valuable lesson about inviting strangers on the internet to explain things. They’re going to do it anyway. There’s no need to throw yourself to the wolves.

Subscribe here for our free daily newsletter.