The Quarantine Diaries: 10 Sweatsuits for 10 Different Men
It’s about to get real matchy-matchy up in here
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If you, dear reader, are anything like the majority of the InsideHook editorial staff, recent days have not seen you at your sartorial peak. Considered personal style is one of the first casualties of long stretches spent confined to one’s domicile, and honestly that’s fine — we’ve all got bigger things to worry about than our daily ensemble.
So let us revel in the comfort of sweats, for the time being. But let us also not forget the Power of the Drip — that unmistakable emotional uptick that can only come from a truly swaggy getup.
You’ll find that sweats and drip are not mutually exclusive, provided you put in the effort to acquire the proper kit. We’re talking coordinated top and bottom, luxurious fabrics, the occasional accessory — long story short, it’s about to get real matchy-matchy up in here.
It’s time to lounge against the machine.
The Preppy Olympian
So the Olympics are postponed, and the world’s premier athletes must wait until 2021 to journey to Tokyo and contract VD from one another. But that doesn’t mean you can’t still get into the spirit with this classic (and patriotic!) red/white/navy getup from the world’s most iconic house of prep. Put it on and invent some wacky events to pass the time.
Best paired with: Polo slides (might as well keep it consistent) and a gold medal made from an old yogurt lid.
(Ed. note: if you wanna church up the proceedings, you can feel free to throw this rugby shirt into the mix)
Magic Fleece Active Hoodie
Polo Ralph Lauren
Polo Shield Fleece Active Sweatpants
Polo Ralph Lauren
The Saucy Chav
InsideHook’s own Jason Diamond recently opined on how the Adidas tracksuit is the ideal WFH outfit, and your correspondent isn’t here to disagree — but in the event that your tri-stripe is out of commish for whatever reason, can’t hurt to have one of these sporty numbers from legendary tennis brand Sergio Tacchini on hand. The line is now helmed by Public School founder Dao-Yi Chow, and his “trakkie” talents cannot be denied.
Best paired with: Stubbs & Wootton slippers (per Jason’s suggestion) and a big ol’ pair of sunglasses.
Damarindo Sweater Archivo
Damarindo Pants Archivo
The Cashmere Tycoon
If you can think of a more luxurious middle finger to this whole situation than spending the day in a sweatsuit crafted entirely from buttery cashmere, I’d love to hear it.
Best paired with: furry Gucci slippers and a heaping spoonful of caviar.
The Juicy Couture
The early aughts vibes of a full velour kit are formidable, and must be navigated with care — one wrong step and the Paris Hilton comments will never end. The gents over at Goodlife have threaded the needle perfectly, with this midnight blue banger that’s the perfect combo of posh and ostentatious. Like Aristotle Onassis in sweatsuit form.
Best paired with: crispy white Fila slides and a fat gold chain.
(Ed. note: Goodlife also does an excellent pink micro terry set for the velour-averse)
Velour Pullover Hoodie
The Baja Brosef
Beaches are closed and access to waves barred pretty much the world over, but you can still channel your inner surf rat via the fine folks at Faherty. Back in the day my friends and I used to refer to this type of beach-y poncho as a “drug rug,” and “honey, have you seen my drug rug?” seems like a fun phrase for trying times.
Best paired with: a pair of Rainbows and a doobie.
(Ed. note: While it may not look it from the below photos, poncho and shorts do very much match, and Faherty also offers a pant in the same fabric)
Baja Beach Poncho
The Throwback Gym Rat
Just because you can’t go to the gym it doesn’t mean that you can’t look like you’re about to go to the gym. Specifically, a boxing gym in Philadelphia where a curmudgeonly old coot named Mickey will train you to fight Apollo Creed.
Best paired with: a black beanie and the ability to take an absolutely savage beating.
Champion Cursive Sweatshirt
Lightweight Warmup Short
The Full Schnabel
Legendary artist/filmmaker/giver of zero fucks Julian Schnabel has famously rocked coordinated pajama sets as everyday attire for the last several decades, from the streets of NYC to the red carpets of Venice. We can all learn a thing or two from his fearless insouciance, and before anyone rides me for pajamas not technically being “sweats,” I’d like to say that if they’re good enough for a man so confident as to exclaim “I am the closest thing to Picasso that you’ll see in this fucking life” to have his portrait taken by Annie Leibowitz in, they’re good enough for this silly article.
Best paired with: a pair of brightly colored Sabahs and a paint brush.
Henry Pajama Shirt
Marcel Pajama Pant
The Kelly Slater
Yes I’m aware that a surf brand has already been featured in this piece, but when the world’s greatest wave rider (Slater — whose recent episode of HBO’s 24/7 you should very much watch while quarantined, preferably in this outfit — is Outerknown’s founder) comes with the loungewear power move of a snap shirt made from terrycloth and matching shorts, well, we’re not gonna not include it. Plus the color is listed as “curry,” which allows for “0 to 100” shoutouts whenever you put it on.
Best paired with: Minnetonka sheepskin mocs (they’re comfy, vibey and match the kit’s color to boot) and the aforementioned documentary.
Hightide Snap Shirt
The Tiger King
Your correspondent is firmly anti-Carole. Open the tank, Carole! I can, however, get on board with her affinity for leopard print, as there is a certain animalistic je ne sais quoi that you can’t get from any other pattern. Call it Cat Swag.
Best paired with: a pair of knit court sneakers and a Netflix binge session if the above paragraph doesn’t make sense to you.
Signature Leopard Print Hoodie
Signature Leopard Print Joggers
The “I’m Deliberately Trying to Annoy My Family”
Listen, it doesn’t have to be this crazy old man’s face on your sweats (though it would be awesome). It can be your own deliriously grinning visage, or embarrassing photos of the people you’re sharing your quarters with, or, if you’re feeling particularly saucy, the glorious mulleted head of Joe Exotic. When it comes to needling your fellow quarantinees, you’ve got options. And time. Go nuts.
Best paired with: an IDGAF attitude and a weapon to defend yourself.
Personalized Photo Face Galaxy Sweatshirt
Personalized Photo Face Galaxy Sweatpants
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