Home Goods | December 6, 2016 9:00 am

Nordstrom Is Now Selling Rocks, for Reasons Unclear to the Proletariat

Maybe it's that totally unnecessary leather carrying case?

How stupid are you? 

Nordstrom has a test available. Check it out right here

Forget world capitals or the molecular weight of air. This one’s easy. A Yes/No.

Would you, or would you not, buy a rock for $85? 

Now, we know what you’re thinking: trick question. 

Maybe you’re thinking diamonds are rocks. (They’re not. They’re minerals.) Maybe you’re thinking, “Well, this 70-pound amethyst retails for around $1,400, so if I got it for 85 bucks at Nordstrom, I’m coming out way ahead.” (Amethysts: also minerals.) The Nordstrom deal isn’t for a mineral. It’s for a rock. 

Rocks from the moon are pretty expensive. Here’s one for $36,000.

Nordstrom’s rock isn’t from the moon, though. It’s from someone’s backyard in L.A.

“A paperweight? A conversation piece? A work of art?” Nordstrom asks, in its description of the $85 “Made Solid Medium Leather Wrapped Stone.”

It’s definitely #1. Absolutely #2 (Conservation sample: “Wait, you paid for that?”). It’s not #3, unless this is Made Solid’s conceptual project investigating the corruption of American consumerism. We didn’t mention the “contrast whipstitching” on the “rich, vegetable-tanned American leather” holder, featuring “a beautiful ombré effect.” 

That said, if this is sounding like a good deal to you, we have a rock from our backyard we would love to sell you for a market-cornering $80. Please be in touch.