One of my favorite genres on TikTok is men grilling for their partners.

Creators like @tylergrowthlife, for example, allow viewers into his evening ritual with “day in the life” vlogs. Typically, he pours himself a glass of whiskey, makes a cocktail for his wife, fires up his Blackstone and makes dinner on his patio. Another series I like to follow, called Steak Salad Sundays, shows Bay Area-creator @chacekitchen preparing a salad while her boyfriend grills the steak.

These videos scratch an itch in my brain. They’re meticulously filmed and edited, often take place in a beautiful home and are set to a song that captures a relaxing mood. Obviously, this is the point: These creators are capturing an aesthetically pleasing, very curated sliver of their lives that’s attractive — and enviable — for viewers. Still, I find them soothing and aspirational. And after a long workday, they make me want to put my feet up, have a glass of wine and watch my partner man the grill.

But don’t just take it from me. Take it from Chef Michelle Wallace, a renowned pitmaster, Top Chef contestant and owner of b’tween sandwich co., a pop-up restaurant concept located in Houston, Texas, who agrees that one of the sexiest things you, a man, can do is confidently man the grill.

“I think it is sexy AF when I can see my man in front of a fire. The sweat is dripping off his brow, he has a beer in hand and tongs in the other,” Wallace says, painting a picture for me. “There’s also a level of confidence: He’s not afraid of that fire. He’s in control of that pit and he knows what he’s doing.”

“My boyfriend could be grilling a hot dog. He’s out there sweating, and I’m like, that’s a good honking piece of man.”

When it comes to gaining more confidence in front of an open flame (and in turn, transforming yourself into a “good honking piece of man”) is experience. This involves taking risks, says Wallace. “Don’t be afraid to make an error and get creative on the grill.” Also, don’t leave your post. “Walking away from a grill or fire is probably the most common mistake people make,” she adds. “We get too comfortable or get caught up in doing five million things in the kitchen. I think a lot of times when people overcook their meat or veggies, it’s because they’ve probably walked away.”

Congrats. You’re now a grilling hunk. Now you can utilize this skill in a way that benefits your relationship.

Make grilling a date night activity (sans the mansplaining)

As much as I, too, enjoy watching my man work over an open flame solo, making a meal with your partner can be a fun, shared activity that makes for a simple but romantic date night. You can split up tasks — a la Steak Salad Sundays — where one partner grills the meat and the other is in charge of salads and sides. Or you can man the grill together. Just keep in mind that this is supposed to be a sexy, joint endeavor and not a lecture.

“Before I started dating my boyfriend, I was going on dates and I’d tell people that I’m a pitmaster — and I would still experience mansplaining,” Wallace says. “So I think that one of the best ways men should approach [grilling with their partners] is making it a shared activity, a shared duty, ask her what she’s comfortable with doing.”

Made In Grill Prep Tray

Buy Here : $99

William Conrad x H&B

buy here: $96

It’s perfectly okay — and even encouraged — to expel your barbecue knowledge on your partner, as long as you make sure she’s a willing participant. Wallace recommends asking your partner, first and foremost, if they’d like to grill with you, and then which tasks they’d prefer to do.

“That gives her space to say, ‘I’m only comfortable with just simply seasoning the meat, I’ll let you do everything else.’ Or, ‘hey, let me take control of monitoring the grill. Maybe you can start it, but I’ll do this,’” she explains. “I think it should be like anything else in life, open communication and seeing what she’s comfortable with. Then, creating a fun atmosphere and a level of support for her throughout the process.”

What to grill (to impress her)

However you two decide to go about grilling is your choice, but more importantly, what the hell do you grill? If you’re going at it solo, what’s a dish that’s sure to impress? (Because, unless she specifically asks for them, hot dogs and hamburgers aren’t going to cut it.)

“I’m usually impressed when anyone else cooks other than myself,” says Wallace. “But grilling a steak is always a mainstay. I like living in the unexpected lane. So if someone were to grill for me, putting together a cioppino or mussel frites, that would be impressive to me.”

Marcellin Cast Iron Grill Press

buy here: $20

Schmidt Brothers Cutlery 4-Piece Grill Set

buy here: $99

“I am a huge supporter of grilling seafood,” she adds. “One of my favorite things to put on the pit is mussels. I know that sounds weird, but you cook them in a pan and on the grill. Add your smoking chips so you get that smokey grill flavor throughout the broth and to the mussels. Awesome.”

So, before summer comes to an end, here’s your reminder to fire up the grill and cook your lady whatever she wants. Bonus points if you prepare her favorite cocktail.

Or, if you both want to try something new, you can follow Wallace’s recipe for grilled mussels below.

Fire & Shells: Grilled Mussels With N'duja-Tomato Broth & Grilled Bread

Servings: 4

Ingredients

2 lbs. of mussels, scrubbed and debearded
3 Tbsp. n’duja
4 Tbsp. olive oil
1 pinch saffron
6 garlic cloves, finely sliced
1 medium shallot, minced
1 large and 2 medium heirloom tomatoes, diced
.5 cup dry white wine
1 lemon, zested, plus lemon wedges for garnish
.5 bunch of parsley, chopped
6-8 basil leaves, chopped
4 Tbsp. unsalted butter
Kosher salt and cracked pepper, as needed
6-8 slices ciabatta, sliced thick on the bias
.5 cup olive oil for brushing bread

Directions

Preheat & Prep
1. Fire up your grill to medium-high. If you’re using a charcoal grill, let it burn down a bit for a steady heat.
2. Place a large cast-iron pan or grill-safe skillet directly on the grates to heat up.
Build the Base
1. In the hot skillet, melt the butter and let the n’duja sizzle into it, stirring to break up the n’duja a bit. Add the saffron and let cook for a minute.
2. Add the garlic and shallot, stirring until fragrant (dont let it burn), about 1-2 minutes.
3. Add the diced tomatoes. Stir and let cook down for 3-4 minutes.
4. Pour in the white wine and let simmer for 2-3 minutes to cook off the alcohol.
Add Mussels
1. Toss mussels into the skillet, season with a pinch of salt and cracked black pepper (6-8 turns of the pepper mill).
2. Add smoking chips to your coals. I like oak, but use your favorite. (If you’re using a propane grill and it doesn’t have a place for wood chips, wrap your smoking chips in a piece of foil, creating a packet. Poke holes in the foil and place on top of the flames.)
3. Cover the grill with the grill lid. Let the mussels cook/smoke for about 5-7 minutes or until the mussels open up.
Finish Strong
1. Remove the mussels from the grill, discarding any unopened mussels.
2. Add the butter, lemon zest and herbs and toss until the butter has melted into the broth and the herbs and zest are evenly distributed. Check for seasoning and add salt or pepper as necessary.
3. Add the lemon wedges for the final touch at the table
Char the Bread
1. Brush your slices of bread with olive oil and grill until toasty with char marks. This will happen fast with the heat of the grill. 1-2 minutes cooking time but check for doneness after one minute.
2. Plate and serve!