Tech | August 27, 2021 11:31 am

You Can Buy a Miniature Version of Jeff Bezos’ Penis Rocket for $69

If you thought there was no way Jeff Bezos' rocket could look any more like a dick, think again

Blue Origin’s New Shepard crew (L-R) Jeff Bezos, Wally Funk, Oliver Daemen, and Mark Bezos walk near the booster to pose for a picture after flying into space in the Blue Origin New Shepard rocket on July 20, 2021 in Van Horn, Texas. Mr. Bezos and the crew were the first human spaceflight for the company. And now you can buy a replica of the rocket for $69.
The actual penis rocket upon which the mini penis rocket is based.
Joe Raedle/Getty Images

In case you missed it while you were busy watching everything slowly get worse this summer, billionaire Amazon founder Jeff Bezos took a fun little jaunt into space last month in a rocket that — as everyone pretty immediately pointed out — really looks like a giant dick.

It’s important to note that while many things are vaguely phallic in form and are therefore vulnerable to dick comparisons in certain contexts, this rocket doesn’t just look like a penis the way we’ve all decided to pretend eggplants do. This rocket truly looks like an actual dick — head, shaft and all. The only way Jeff Bezos’s rocket could possibly look more like a penis is if someone made a miniature model of it, thus rendering it closer to the size of an actual human dick — which is exactly what someone did.

Estes Rockets has apparently partnered with Blue Origin to craft a miniature model of Bezos’ New Shepard rocket, which, naturally, looks like a dildo. Moreover, it costs $69. That’s right, someone made a miniature model of Jeff Bezos’ dick rocket, is selling it for $69, and it seems none of this is supposed to be a joke. Neither dildo nor vibrator, this model rocket is just an actual, non-satirical model rocket that — like the real rocket upon which it is based — happens to look like a dick, and also apparently aims to ” inspire kids to dream and imagine.”

Frankly, to make a model of Jeff Bezos’ dick rocket and not make it a vibrator (especially when you’re selling it for $69) seems like a huge oversight, and I honestly can’t believe no one’s done that yet. Regardless, something tells me based on humanity’s track record of shoving foreign objects into various orifices that this model rocket will probably become a makeshift dildo for many a curious space enthusiast. (Though, for the record, I feel obligated to issue a friendly reminder that it’s never a good idea to use non-sex toys as sex toys.)

Anyway, the model rocket that is not a dildo despite really looking like a dildo will be available in November, but you can preorder it now. While the rocket itself retails for $69, real heads can also purchase the complete New Shepard Starter Set, which includes a launch pad and a bunch of other space stuff for nerds. The starter set costs $109 though, which means it’s not $69, which kind of seems to defeat the whole point.