I like holiday films, in theory. But why are they usually so terrible?
This year I’ve meh-ed through Jingle Bell Heist and rewatched The Muppet Christmas Carol (fun, but the Internet has really overstated its quality). And I’m not going anywhere near the Home Alone twist Oh. What. Fun. Desperate on an early Saturday evening, I turned to AMC+ and a film with an absolutely terrible title.
Thankfully, title aside (and it makes sense within the movie’s construct), The Baltimorons offers everything I want in a holiday film: It’s a rom-com featuring real, human-sounding adults. It’s darkly funny but sweet, and it transforms a rather grey city (Baltimore) into a somewhat bright, winter wonderland.
Mild spoilers ahead. Directed by Jay Duplass, this microbudget dramedy follows an improv comic named Cliff (Michael Strassner, who co-wrote the script) a few months after a failed suicide attempt. Now sober and adjusting to a loving but controlled relationship with his fiancée, Brittany, Cliff’s Christmas Eve dental emergency leads him to the office of Didi (Liz Larsen), a dentist distracted by the idea that her ex-husband just got remarried that morning.
I won’t spoil the entire plot, but for a movie where death, alcoholism and failed relationships play a big role, The Baltimorons follows a lot of traditional and welcome holiday-movie tropes. There’s a meet-cute — the anesthesia-fueled banter between Cliff and Didi is wonderful — a farcical mishap involving a towed car, a will-they-or-won’t-they-moment (which begins at an improv club, where “The Baltimorons” title becomes apparent), a revenge plot against Didi’s new husband and even, as with most rom-coms, an ending that screws over one person who didn’t deserve it because they’re not a main character (justice for Brittany!).
Is it perfect? Hardly, but presenting flawed human beings finding an unexpected connection, while engaging in a really dark back-and-forth along the way (“You’re sober? That’s odd, I usually like sober people.” and “Are you married?” “I was.” “I’m sorry. Did he kill himself?” passes for playful banter) is the way to my heart. The jazzy soundtrack, including a cover of “Someone to Watch Over Me,” certainly adds some holiday charm. And it’s nice to see Baltimore portrayed in a positive light; the film serves as a modest love letter to the normally gritty landscape.
Watch this with loved ones; you’ll laugh. Watch it alone; you’ll have hope. And certainly watch it instead of Die Hard, which, unlike The Baltimorons, is not a Christmas film.
The Baltimorons is currently streaming on AMC+ and is available for rent on most streaming services.
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