Britney Spears and the Rise of the Wedding Thong

Exposed thongs have been de rigueur evening wear for the rich and famous for some time now. Like an increasing number of early 2000s fashion trends, the whale tail is back — at least for the many celebrities whose G-strings have made themselves known on red carpets in recent years. While it’s no longer particularly shocking to see a celeb’s thong poking out above a low-backed dress or glittering beneath a sheer one at some high-profile awards show or other, Britney Spears has upped the ante — as only Britney Spears can — by introducing the world to the wedding thong.

Following the star’s splashy fairytale wedding to Sam Asghari last week, photos from the reception appeared to show Britney dancing the night away with her new husband while wearing a black blazer and … absolutely nothing else. After the photos made the rounds online, Britney took to Instagram to clarify that she actually didn’t go full commando: she was wearing a diamond thong under the blazer. “Pssss don’t worry I had my first diamond thong underneath my jacket … hope I didn’t offend anyone,” she captioned a follow-up post.

Not only did Britney Spears and her diamond wedding thong not offend anyone — at least not anyone that matters — but she is also responsible for ushering in a new trend in both wedding wear and exposed thongs. While Britney is not the first celeb in recent memory to flaunt a wedding thong — Kourtney Kardashian had a custom La Perla thong embroidered with her husband Travis Barker’s name commissioned for her own over-the-top nuptials in May — she is the first, to my knowledge, to wear a diamond thong and virtually nothing else on the dance floor. Kourtney’s wedding thong may have made an appearance at the event, draped tastefully over a dinner plate on her stylist’s Instagram, but Britney brought the trend to a new level like only Britney Spears can.

In light of this monumental thong vibe shift, I propose that the wedding thong becomes the new horny wedding undergarment of choice for the modern bride. Enough with this garter nonsense; give me a bejeweled G-string, and sure, make the groom take that off with his teeth instead. Also, give me matching bridesmaids thongs that we’ll all strip down to at the reception. Britney Spears has spoken. She sees your early 2000s whale tail — she did the early-2000s whale tail — and she raises you a whole-ass whale (and by whale I mean thong). It’s a new era of — something… Britney Spears, fashion, exposed thongs? — and we’re going into it cheeks out.