The NFL season is chock-full of variables you cannot control.
Throwing the remote across the room won’t win a Lombardi trophy. Craig from accounts receivable will beat you in fantasy again.
One thing you can control? What you wear come gameday.
So we’ve rounded up our single favorite piece of gear for all 32 teams, each a tad more elevated than the wrinkled jersey in the back of your closet (“It’s lucky!).
From satin coats and knit beanies to trucker jackets and Hawaiians, here are your go-to duds for this season and all those that follow.
Arizona Cardinals
With its subtle, weathered logo, this henley is the sartorial equivalent of the sensible fan everyone in the room quietly respects. Seek crazy homer takes elsewhere.
Atlanta Falcons
A great option for approximating the feel of a jersey without actually committing. This polyster mesh V-neck wears like a baseball batting-practice shirt, and pairs well with dark jeans.
Baltimore Ravens
Off-color-scheme hats are generally hit or miss, but this trucker’s a nice departure from the Ravens’ Spiderman-villain purple-and-black theme. Equally ideal for mowing the lawn or sliding into a booth at the bar.
Buffalo Bills
Hockey-jersey vibes in a three-quarter-sleeved henley. Great for smashing a table on a Sunday morning, aye #BillsMafia?
Carolina Panthers
A clean four-pocket denim jacket from Levi’s with just the right amount of Panther blue across the back. Cam would approve.
Chicago Bears
Honor #2 all-time on the rushing list with this soft sweatshirt from local outpost Chitown Clothing.
Cincinnati Bengals
Great layering piece with a restrained gym-to-tailgate design from Columbus-based sportswear mavens Homage.
Cleveland Browns
Four wins since 2014? This better be true.
Dallas Cowboys
Yes, we called out jersey-wearers up top. But this Roger Staubach number is closer in DNA to a sweatshirt, and importantly, leaves his name off the back. What’s left is a look every bit as timeless (can’t believe I’m writing this) as America’s Team. (Someone bring me a bucket.)
Denver Broncos
Probably the most functional piece listed here. Too often fans sacrifice warmth to rep their team, prioritizing a thin sweatshirt just because it has a team logo. Pop this nylon-shelled vest over your biggest, warmest sweater and get to cheering, sans teeth chattering.
Detroit Lions
SMPLFD offers an array of offbeat Motor City tees, and we like this number for the Lions. Domed Ford Field oughta be temperate enough for you to leave the jacket in the car.
Green Bay Packers
One of the most iconic color schemes in pro sports, perfected in this 100% polyester satin jacket from Mitchell & Ness. Yes, and yes again.
Houston Texans
Running Game Clothing Co. pumps out ringspun cotton tees for all the local teams, and this shirt feels like a happy amalgamation of the Texans, Rockets and Astros.
Indianapolis Colts
The professional version of the varsity letter jacket, sure to make the rest of your closet blush. Check that sidearm Super Bowl decal, too.
Jacksonville Jaguars
The CBS teaser for the Pats/Jags AFC Championship last year was the greatest game promo I’ve ever seen. It probably should’ve earned John Malkovich an Oscar. Anyway, the Jaguars are here. It’s real. Pick up a relaxed long-sleeve from Tommy Bahama to celebrate. (Bortles!)
Kansas City Chiefs
A baggy half-zip windbreaker from Starter that’ll have you looking fly as all get out. All aboard the nostalgia train.
Los Angeles Chargers
Is Philip Rivers still commuting up the PCH? This is weird. You’ll want gear that leaves the city’s location in doubt. We got you, San Diego.
Los Angeles Rams
This is your team now, LA, and the Super Bowl hopes are legit. Opt for gear that yells the city name right across the front. Apologies, St. Louis.
Miami Dolphins
It’s Florida. Every shirt should double as something you can wear on the golf course.
Minnesota Vikings
So I asked our Minnesota-born-and-bred Senior Editor what’s going on here. “People like to fish walleye in Minnesota,” he replied, “and looks like they put a Viking helmet on top.” Skål, indeed.
New England Patriots
Good rule of thumb: Would Belichick wear it? If the answer’s a no, you’re golden.
New Orleans Saints
Your gameday and Mardi Gras outfits wrapped up in one. Here’s a nice burst of a color from a franchise with a generally over-serious color scheme.
New York Giants
A simple, block-lettered jacket with two sleeves: one for each time Eli Manning beat Tom Brady in the Super Bowl.
New York Jets
This Western button-up might be too handsome for such a preposterous franchise.
Oakland Raiders
Buy this jacket and cherish all the bygone better times. Saying it’s a business doesn’t make it right; we’re sorry, Oakland. (More short-term: you have our permission to boo the living daylights out of Gruden.)
Philadelphia Eagles
Don’t you hooligans dare get any horse sh*t on this. We’ll only say it once.
Pittsburgh Steelers
Ultimate measure of comfiness/style? Even non-Steelers fans galore would gladly throw this on for an afternoon. We need more tri-colored fleece crews.
San Francisco 49ers
The 49ers’ look hasn’t changed much since Montana and Rice, and that’s a good thing. Here’s the mustard gold-and-white trim, that boxy, interlocking “SF” and early ’80s red in a polyester zip-up track jacket.
Seattle Seahawks
Take a break from all that limeade neon — Mitchell & Ness’s jacquard-striped scarf evokes classy soccer wraps from across the pond. Perfect for tying tight on a brisk December afternoon in Seattle.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Does anyone have any clue what Tampa Bay’s color scheme is? Maroon, orange, black and … pewter? No? Whatever. Here’s a sweet shirt.
Tennessee Titans
We wanted something here that reps the Music City; Nike’s arch design on a “College Navy” 100% cotton tee fits the bill and then some.
Washington Redskins
About as dignified as you can hope for from these guys.
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