When I first started dating my boyfriend, one of his biggest selling points to my friends was a seemingly trivial but significant attribute: he reads. Specifically, he reads novels.
We were drunk one night and I was rambling on about Sally Rooney, an author he wasn’t familiar with, and one of my favorites. I had completely forgotten about the conversation until days later when I received a text from him informing me that he had finished Normal People.
“The show?” I instinctively texted back. “No, the book,” he said.
I was impressed and slightly turned on. Not only had he read a novel I recommended, but he read Normal People and wanted to discuss it with me. When I told my friends about this rare specimen I happened to find myself dating, they had the same reaction. “He read Sally Rooney,” one of my friends had said in awe. “… for you.”
As a writer and avid reader, you’d think I would be drawn to men who share my love for the written word, but such was not the case in my previous relationships. The only books those men read were of the non-fiction variety, oftentimes self-help books and business autobiographies.
Around the time of my boyfriend’s introduction to Sally Rooney and my realization of how rare and good it felt to be dating a man who’s interested in fiction, I came across an article from Dazed about the issue of straight men not reading novels. The men interviewed for the piece believe that “reading for pleasure is a waste of time.”
Loads has already been written about the disappearance of literary men and whether this is a legitimate crisis. A Vox investigation determined that while men are still less likely to read fictional novels compared to women, the reality is that regardless of gender, American adults don’t read many books. The concern over men not reading fiction, however, stems from a real fear: Instead of turning to novels for “intellectual stimulation,” men are turning to manosphere figureheads like Joe Rogan and Andrew Tate.
London-based writer Lucas Oakeley has a solution. His TikTok series Books for Boys encourages men to stop listening to Joe Rogan and read a book instead. His attention-grabbing introductions segue into five book recommendations and a quick synopsis for each. The series has been so well received, Oakeley tells me, that he’s been able to launch an in-person monthly book club for men.
Oakeley echoes the issue of men’s apathy toward fiction and their preference for non-fiction, self-help books. “I think the problem you find with men and reading is it’s very nonfiction-dominated, like your Steven Bartlett and your Rich Dad, Poor Dad,” he says. “People want to improve themselves, but I think they forget that reading can be entertainment in a big way. Something just to switch off, enjoy yourself, enjoy a story and do it for pure pleasure.”
Even if you are focused on “leveling up” your mind, body or whatever else those grindset influencers are always moaning on about, reading fiction is one of the greatest forms of self-improvement. Books are the best way to combat our increasingly shortening attention spans. They help drag us out of our algorithm-driven echo chambers and expose us to different perspectives we otherwise might not have sought out. They challenge us to grapple with uncomfortable situations and flawed characters. In a world of passive consumption, novels utilize our critical thinking skills.
“Fiction is great at challenging your expectations,” says Oakeley. You can learn about the world, you can learn about yourself, you can learn about other people, you can learn so much in such a small amount of time. Being able to switch off from your YouTube videos, your TikTok and get your head down and really commit yourself to something like that is really important.”
Engaging in works of fiction also signals to people, and to potential partners, that you can meet them on an intellectual level. “Having an interest in literature doesn’t necessarily mean you are smarter than someone else,” he notes. “It just means you’re willing to at least question your own points of view.”
The desire for a man who reads is maybe best exemplified by the uber-popular Instagram account Hot Dudes Reading, a page with over one million followers that solely posts photos of men reading in public.
I’m aware: When it comes to finding a suitor, the bar is very low for women. We shouldn’t be this entranced by a literate man but this is the society in which we live. We must wade through shit waters of red-pilled podcast bros and looksmaxxing hobgoblins. You can separate yourself from the pack by simply reading a novel. Even better: Read a novel by a female author.
“I try to recommend an even balance of men and women authors,” Oakeley says of his TikTok series.
“If you read a book written by someone who identifies as female, you’re probably going to get a better sense of how they think and how they see the world and what their personal lived experience is,” he adds. “This can be really fruitful if you’re stuck in your own little male echo chamber.”
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