What you’re looking at here is a JetSurf.
The designers — a pair of talented chaps from Slovenia, where big swells are about as common as a sober LiLo — pitch it as a motorized surfboard.
Y’know, something to catch a wave or speed you into a drop.
But where it really excels — watch this video, you’ll see — is on slightly choppy flat water, beyond the breaks, where the board’s 35 MPH top speed allows for some truly sick maneuvers.
Just five feet long, JetSurf’s lawnmower-sized engine is concealed in a monocoque hull, and you control it with a joystick wired to the nose.
Belly ride past the waves and then stand up, securing your feet with straps (adjustable for goofy or regular).
The tank holds four hours of wave-hopping delight, and it’s certifiably green – so you won't be huffing fumes.
There are three models: the Pro Racer (for competitive use: does 35 MPH), the Factory (34 MPH) and the Ultra Sport (30 MPH).
These bad boys take six weeks to make, and someone from JetSurf personally delivers the fun to your door and gives you a private tutorial.
After that, let the magic happen.