It’s an age-old question that women have asked, whether rhetorically or not, probably since the dawn of time: Do men ever change? When a woman is repeatedly hurt and disappointed by men in the dating sphere — with no apologies or changes to come from it — what else are they to do but wonder? Are they all the same? With time and effort, are they capable of change? Do they actually change?
I’m being dramatic here, surely. Anyone can change if they really, really want to, but they don’t always want to. And thanks to a new TikTok video series that’s going viral (it’s gained millions of views at this point), it feels like my suspicions — and those from women of all ages — are only being reinforced.
User @closefriendjak has been pounding the streets of New York in an anonymous, man-on-the-street interview-style to ask women from older, wiser, more experienced generations if men really ever change.
She posted this video back in early September. “Sorry, I saw you guys and had to ask a question,” she asks two women entering what looks like a taxi. “Do men ever change?”
“Never. Ever,” they say. “They never do what they say they wanna do. Can’t trust ‘em.”
The woman she asks in this video said, “Not really. I think the things that you don’t like you just have to either compromise on and realize that, like, no guys are perfect, so are you willing to sacrifice? No guys are perfect, so what are you willing to compromise on?”
She goes on to highlight that life should be easy with a partner, and if you can’t get through the easy things together, everything else becomes way harder. Some people interpreted that the advice here is to “settle.”
“It’s only compromise if both parties meet in the middle,” one user wrote. “They don’t change, so it’s sacrifice, not compromise.
“There’s good ones, but they’re usually gay, dead or married,” said the woman answering the question in this video. “The boring ones” are usually good, she says, “as long as the mother isn’t too involved and tries to join the honeymoon.” Is this an episode of The White Lotus?
The user asks two other women in the same video. “No. Absolutely not,” said the first. “They get worse,” said the second.
“Ask any woman my age, they lived it. Have you got a different answer? That they change?” the woman in this video said. “I’m happy, but I don’t have anybody.”
“I’m [over 80] years old,” this woman said, “but don’t waste your time on a loser. If it’s a toxic relationship say goodbye, and the sooner the better.”
This woman simply gave one clear and definitive — “never.”
One more clear and definitive no, followed by a bolstering laugh.
Look, I trust in the women who’ve come before me. And overwhelmingly, so do the comments. “I need you to know I’ve started asking the seniors at work this question, and they all say no. You’re onto something,” one user wrote.
“My grandma is 70, and her biggest regret in life is having wasted 45 years for my grandfather to change…she’s told me she only found relief after he died,” wrote another. I love to see women coming together but at what cost?
@Closefriendjak made a video recently summarizing her findings. “I’ll keep asking, but it’s kind of a wrap,” she says. “Wrap it up. Put a bow on it. Bye-bye. Conclusive. Statistically significant results.”
Here’s my official call to action: Please let me know if you have experienced otherwise — or not, at this point. And fellas…come on.
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