UK Bans Couples Living Apart From Having Sex Indoors

The new law seems to encourage Brits to take their amorous activities outdoors

outdoor sex
Looks perfectly legal to me.
Getty Images

Who gets to have sex in lockdown has been a topic of some controversy, and much confusion, for months now. Some single people haven’t had sex in months, while others are going about their regularly scheduled hookups because Fauci kind of said it was probably okay that one time. Meanwhile, couples living separately have either chosen to commit relationship suicide by moving in together in lockdown or risk ire and judgment from their sexless single friends for commuting between each other’s places.

In the UK, a new law is attempting to put an end to the coronavirus hookup grey area by explicitly banning indoor gatherings of two or more people. The new law will be laid in parliament Monday, the Independent reported, and states that “no person may participate in a gathering which takes place in a public or private place outdoors, and consists of more than six persons, or indoors, and consists of two or more persons.” The law prohibits indoor gatherings in which “two or more people are present together in the same place in order to engage in any form of social interaction with each other, or to undertake any other activity with each other.”

Sex, as far as I understand it, counts as both a “form of social interaction” and “any other activity,” meaning couples living separately are no longer able to spend intimate time together in the comfort of their homes. This seems to have been the intent of the new lockdown legislation, which also includes a separate provision banning people from staying overnight outside their homes, “without reasonable excuse.” While such reasonable excuses reportedly include moving home, work, attending funerals, providing care and escaping harm, hookups don’t appear to have made the cut.

So what’s a horny Brit to do? Have sex outside, apparently. While the new law bans indoor gatherings of two or more people, outdoor gatherings can accommodate up to six people, which, as far as I can tell, seems to suggest even a modest-sized outdoor orgy is a-okay in the eyes of parliament.

Unfortunately, as the Daily Mail noted, this loophole doesn’t apply to sex in a public place, which is already illegal. But perhaps an outdoor hookup in the privacy of one’s own backyard will be permissible, as long as you make sure to kick your partner out after.

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