Take It From a Woman: Your Swim Shorts Need to Be Shorter
Show those upper thighs the respect they deserve
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The male upper thigh is criminally underrated.
When the late ’90s and early 2000s ushered in baggy, knee-length basketball shorts and swim trunks, the absolute horrid style regrettably became the norm for almost the next two decades — leaving so many of us starved for those beautifully roasted, meaty upper thighs.
Fortunately, short swim trunks have recently made their way back into our pools and beaches, which can only be attributed to the increasing popularity of the UK’s Love Island. However, since the government has not yet decided on a day where everyone is legally required to go out and burn their knee-length shorts, there are some men who are still wearing them, and it is making me very sad.
If you are one of these men, it’s up to you to purge your swim trunk drawer and invest in a few new shorter options. But how short is short, you ask? Here’s something you probably haven’t heard before: Anything longer than six inches? They’ve gotta go.
But I’m not just going to leave you alone with a tape measure. Below are a few swim short styles that look good, feel good and are the correct, and only socially acceptable, length.
CDLP Swim Shorts
The Swedish design house crafts its luxury swimwear from an Italian-sourced nylon fiber regenerated from landfill and ocean waste. The brand’s thigh-baring swim shorts are available in two unique textures: smooth satin twill and crisp plain-weave.
Bonobos Riviera Recycled Swim Trunks
This drawstring pair from Bonobos is made with 85% recycled polyester and features an elastic waistband for the perfect, comfortable fit.
Patagonia Baggies Shorts – 5″
If you’re looking for an all-around short you can wear in and out of the water, Patagonia’s iconic Baggies were designed to be worn pretty much anywhere. These lightweight, durable board shorts feature a water-resistant, quick-drying nylon fabric and an adjustable drawstring for a snug fit.
Rhone 6″ Fletcher Trunk
This quick-drying 6″ trunk from Rhone is made from four-way stretch fabric and is available in a multitude of colors, though we fancy this eye-catching blue the best.
J.Crew 6″ Stretch Swim Trunk
Another classic drawstring swim trunk with stretchy, lightweight, recycled nylon fabric and UPF 50 protection. And this style comes in a slew of fun shades, prints and patterns.
Lululemon Pool Short 5″
A new offering from Lululemon, these swim shorts are packed with technical properties like water-repellent fabric, a breathable mesh liner and a handy zippered pocket.
CDLP Swim Briefs
So you prefer briefs over trunks. CDLP has the snug-fitting pair, made from soft jersey knit, for you.
Onia Nylon Crinkle Hybrid Short – 5″
This 5-inch short from vacation-ready brand Onia is made from a performance nylon fabric that’s water-repellent and super quick-drying. You’ll also find a stretchy waistband for maximum comfort, plus an interior mesh lining and convenient hand pockets at the sides. It’s also primed for travel: packable, weightless and even includes a matching stuff sack made from the same nylon material.
The Classic by Solid and Striped
Solid & Striped’s signature suit, aptly named The Classic, is indeed a timeless piece of swimwear. Available in a multitude of flattering shades and prints, the salacious 4″ inch seam short includes an adjustable drawstring waistband, mesh lining and tons of handy pockets (including a hidden snap closure pocket at the back).
Tailored Swim Shorts by The Resort Co
The Resort Co specializes in eco-conscious beach- and vacation wear, employing skilled artisan workers in small family-owned factories around Europe. Everything from the resort-ready brand is handcrafted from recycled materials, including these elevated swim bottoms, which feature engraved side adjusters and a tailored fit, so you can go straight from the pool to the beachside restaurant.
Mango Cord Plain Swimming Trunks
It was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie …
OAS Marshmallow Swim Shorts
OAS offers a slew of fun, uniquely designed swim shorts at the perfect length, including this swirly pair certain to turn heads this summer.
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