Menswear | June 18, 2020 9:40 am

Take It From a Woman: Your Swim Shorts Need to Be Shorter

Show those upper thighs the respect they deserve

Take It From a Woman: Your Swim Shorts Need to Be Shorter

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The male upper thigh is criminally underrated.

When the late ’90s and early 2000s ushered in baggy, knee-length basketball shorts and swim trunks, the absolute horrid style regrettably became the norm for almost the next two decades — leaving so many of us starved for those beautifully roasted, meaty upper thighs.

Fortunately, short swim trunks have recently made their way back into our pools and beaches, which can only be attributed to the increasing popularity of the UK’s Love Island. However, since the government has not yet picked a day where everyone is legally required to go out and burn their knee-length shorts, there are some men who are still wearing them, and it is making me very sad.

If you are one of these men, it’s up to you to purge your swim trunk drawer and invest in a few new shorter options. But how short is short, you ask? Here’s something you probably haven’t heard before: Anything longer than six inches? They’ve gotta go.

But I’m not just going to leave you alone with your ruler. Below are a few swim short styles that look good, feel good and are the correct, and only socially acceptable, length.

Ellesse Positano Logo Swim Short in Lilac

Want to know what the absolute hottest pair of swim trunks are? A lilac pair. I know this because I am a woman, but also because nearly every pair of short lilac board shorts is currently sold out on the internet. But you can still snag this pair from UK brand ellesse, featuring a soft and smooth fabric, a drawstring waistband and tons of pockets.

Riviera Recycled Swim Trunks

You can never go wrong with a classic navy trunk. This drawstring pair from Bonobos is made with 85% recycled polyester and features an elastic waistband for the perfect, comfortable fit.

Patagonia Baggies Shorts – 5″

If you’re looking for an all-around short you can wear in the water and out, Patagonia’s Baggies Shorts were designed to be worn pretty much anywhere. These lightweight, durable board shorts feature a water-resistant, quick-drying nylon fabric and an adjustable drawstring for a snug fit.

6″ Fletcher Trunk

This quick-drying 6″ trunk from Rhone is made from four-way stretch fabric and features an eye-catching neon stripe design.

5″ Stretch Eco Pool Short

Crafted from quick-drying, environmentally stretch fabric, these J. Crew pool shorts are made to look good in and out of water, and they’ll even protect you from 98% of the sun’s damaging UVA and UVB rays, thanks to the fabric’s UPF 50 protection.

Channel Cross Swim Short 5″

These Channel Cross swim shorts from Lululemon come in a gorgeous “sea water” color and are made with high-performance fabric, including a breathable, four-way stretch mesh liner that’s chlorine-resistant.

Bahia Boardshort

Vuori makes some of the best-feeling clothes out there, and their boardshorts are no different. The anti-odor, quick-drying shorts are made from recycled materials and a four-way stretch fabric, making them great for more intensive water activities.

Marshmallow Swim Shorts

OAS offers a slew of fun, uniquely designed swim shorts at the perfect length, including these swirly marshmallow ones you can’t take your eyes off.

Cardamuro Swim Short Chili Red

We love a retro ’70s vibe, and these chili-red swim shorts have just that short, vintage look we’re aiming for.

The Day Short Ivory Tech

This 100% polyamide swim short features an elastic waistband and an incredible 3″ inseam. Give the people what they want.