The 101 Best Insults From Game of Thrones, Ranked
Think you can trash talk like a Lannister? Think again.
Among the many things Game of Thrones has become known for in its seven-season, eight-year run — beheadings, dragon attacks, boobs — few would deny the insult its rightful place at the high table.
Long story short, the inhabitants of Westeros (and Essos) talk a lot of trash. At any given moment, characters can be found either threatening or ridiculing one another, sometimes both simultaneously.
So in preparation for Sunday’s launch of the show’s final season — a show that many are heralding as possibly the last blockbuster television program ever — three intrepid Brothers of InsideHook’s own Night Watch (seriously, we stayed up very late) took it upon ourselves to re-watch all 67 episodes and meticulously catalogue every barb, clap and cutting remark. Then we ranked the 101 best of them for posterity, along with annotations on why each deserves its spot in the canon.
From the truly petty to the utterly savage, the highest lord to the lowliest sellsword, we’ve got it all — so saddle your steed and sally forth into a world where the only thing in shorter supply than regard for human life is regard for someone’s feelings.
Danny Agnew, Eli London and Alex Lauer
Low Hanging Fruit (aka not a lot of effort going on here, but still…)
Mero of Braavos: (to Daenerys Targaryen): So you’re the Mother of Dragons? I swear I f*cked you once in a pleasure house in Lys. S:3/E:8
Theon Greyjoy (to sailor’s daughter, re: her teeth): Try smiling with your lips closed. S:2/E:2
Craster (to Night’s Watch, re: Samwell Tarly): Why don’t you dine on him. Carve off what you need as you go. Well look at him, he’s a walking feast! S:3/E:3
Eli London (Director of Partnerships): Sure, plenty of people call Sam fat. Nothing new there. But insinuating that his brothers should eat him as that’s all he’s good for? Another level of savagery.
Robert Baratheon (to Lancel Lannister): Lancel, Gods what a stupid name. Lancel Lannister. Who named you, some halfwit with a stutter? S:1/E:3
Theon (to Bran Stark, re: Old Nan): If I was cooped up all day with no one but this old bat for company, I’d go mad. S:1/E:4
Danny Agnew (Creative Director): Damn, Theon, Old Nan is sitting right there!
Cersei Lannister (to Shae): That’s the worst curtsy I’ve ever seen.” S:2/E:9
DA: Only Cersei Lannister could throw shade on a curtsy.
Theon (to Maester Luwin): Thank you, wise bald man. Thank you for explaining siege tactics to me. S:2/E:10
Craster, re: Jon Snow: Who’s this little girl? You’re prettier than half my daughters. Got a nice wet twat between your legs? S:2/E:1
Lady Tarly: Samwell, would you care for more bread
Sam: Oh, yes, yes please. Thank you, mother.
Randyll Tarly: Not fat enough already? S:6/E:6
Olenna Tyrell (to Obara Sand): Obara, you look like an angry little boy. S:6/E:10
Euron Greyjoy (to Theon): Come on, you cockless coward! S:7/E:2
DA: While not particularly inventive, I think it bears noting that this statement sums up Theon pretty succinctly.
Tormund Giantsbane: Were you born mean or you just hate wildlings?
Sandor Clegane, aka The Hound: I don’t give two shits about wildlings, it’s gingers I hate. S:7/E:6
Dickon Tarly (greeting Jaime Lannister): Ser Jaime.
Bronn: [laughs] S:7/E:4
Alex Lauer (Senior Editor): No other scene more clearly shows that Bronn is outside of his class. And that’s hilarious. Dickon goes through his entire life with high lords and ladies stifling laughter, but Bronn can’t help it.
Petty Level 500 (aka petty, but clever)
Grey Worm: You are not a smart man, Daario Naharis.
Daario: I’d rather have no brain and two balls. S:4/E:1
Sam: I’ve come to take the black.
Rast: Come to take the black pudding! S:1/E:4
Cersei: you’re a clever man. But you’re not half as clever as you think you are.
Tyrion: Still makes me more clever than you. S:3/E:1
Lord Baelish, aka Littlefinger (to Varys): Tell me, does someone somewhere keep your balls in a little box? I’ve often wondered. S:1/E:5
The Hound: I like to see a man’s face when I put the steel in him.
Anguy (member of the Brotherhood Without Banners): Why? So you can kiss him? S:3/E:3
Unnamed Lannister soldier, re: Loras Tyrell: How good could he be? He’s been stabbing Renly Baratheon for years, and Renly ain’t dead. S:2/E:4
Walder Frey (to unnamed son): I need lessons in courtesy from you, bastard? Your mother would still be a milkmaid if I hadn’t squirted you into her belly. S:1/E:9
Tyrion (to Cersei): Grand Maester Pycelle made the same joke. You must be proud to be as funny as a man whose balls brush his knees. S:3/E:1
Beric Dondarrion (to Melissandre): Forgive my manners, I don’t see many ladies these days.
Thoros of Myr: Lucky for the ladies S:3/E:6
EL: To be fair, Beric is pretty damn haggard looking. Still a cheap shot from Thoros. They’re supposed to be friends!
DA: Eli and I are friends and he says shit like this to me all the time.
Euron (to Jaime): Listen, if you have any advice at all, I’d love to hear it when we have an hour or two to speak as brothers.
Euron: Does she like it gentle or rough? A finger in the bum? Shh shh, not now. We’ll talk later. S:7/E:3
Tywin Lannister (to Olenna, re: Cersei): She is rich, the most beautiful woman in all seven kingdoms and the mother of the ki–
Olenna (interrupting): Old! S:3/E:6
EL: Olenna and Tywin verbally sparring is like Larry Bird vs Magic Johnson. Two greats going toe-to-toe. Here, Olenna doesn’t even try and outwit Tywin — just goes with blunt force and brutal honesty, cutting off the Lannister patriarch mid-sentence for some prime-time pettiness.
The Hound (to the Brotherhood Without Banners): They killed a friend of mine.
Thoros: You’ve got friends? S:6/E:8
Littlefinger (to Varys): You must be one of the few men in this city who isn’t a man. S:1/E:10
DA: To be fair, Littlefinger almost overdoes it with the Varys eunuch humor, but this one is phrased so perfectly you almost don’t notice it at first.
Thoros of Myr: Bad night to be outdoors.
The Hound: You’ve got real powerful magic to figure that out. Did the Lord of Light whisper that in your ear? It’s snowing, Thoros. Windy. It’s gonna be a cold night. S:7/E:1
Jaime (to Ned Stark): What’s the line? The King shits and the Hand wipes. S:1/E:2
Renly (to Melisandre, re: Stannis): Born amidst salt and smoke … is he a ham? S:2/E:4
DA: And the Dad Joke Award goes to…
Margaery Tyrell (to Cersei): I won’t know what to call you soon. Sister, or mother? S:4/E:5
EL: Margaery really knows how to poke the bear that is Cersei. Playing on the fact that she knows Cersei is not fond of her imminent marriage to Tommen as well as Cersei’s insecurity about growing older. Ouch.
Podrick Payne: Looks like a siege, my lady.
Brienne of Tarth: You have a keen military mind, Pod. S:6/E:8
Ned (to Jaime): Very handsome armor. Not a scratch on it. S:1/E:2
Petty Level 1,000 (aka still petty, but really clever)
Tyrion (to an uncharacteristically chipper Joffrey): Killed a few puppies today? S:3/E:10
Greatjohn Umber (to Robb): I’ll not sit here and suffer insults from a boy so green he pisses grass! S:1/E:8
Tormund: I don’t think you’re truly mean. You have sad eyes.
The Hound: You want to suck my dick, is that it?
The Hound: Cock.
Tomund: Ah. “Dick.” I like it.
The Hound: I bet you do. S:7/E:6
Jaime: You have better instincts than any officer in the Lannister army.
Bronn: That’s like saying I have a bigger cock than anyone in the Unsullied army. S:6/E:7
Tormund: They think you’re some kind of god. The man who returned from the dead.
Jon: I’m not a god.
Tormund: I know that. I saw your pecker. What kind of god would have a pecker that small? S:6/E:3
Cersei: Ah yes, the famously tart-tongued Queen of Thorns.
Olenna: And the famous tart, Queen Cersei. S:5/E:6
EL: I think I would take the Queen of Thorns in a roast battle against anyone ever. Let’s get her on the next Comedy Central dais please.
Gatins (member of the Brotherhood Without Banners): F*ck you!
The Hound: Those are your last words? F*ck you? Come on, you can do better than that.
The Hound: You’re shit at dying, you know that? S:6/E:8
DA: Imagine if the last thing you heard as you died was that you were bad at it.
Varys: (re: the Iron Throne) Ugly old thing.
Littlefinger: Yet it has a certain appeal.
Varys: The Lysa Arryn of chairs. S:3/E:6
EL: This one speaks to the pettiness deep inside my soul. It’s just so uncalled for and unnecessary, but so clever at the same time.
Say What You Mean, Why Don’t Ya (aka blunt is the name of the game)
Margaery (to Cersei): Lies come easily to you, everyone knows that. But innocence, decency and concern, you’re not very good at those, I’m afraid. S:5/E:7
Cersei: (to Tyrion) Joffrey will belong to Margaery, the little doe-eyed whore. S:3/E:6
Olenna (to Jaime, re: Cersei): She’s a disease. I regret my role in spreading it. You will too. S:7/E:3
Bronn (to Meryn Trant): And you’re a grub in fancy armor who’s better at beating little girls than fighting men. S:3/E:1
EL: I’m sorry, but calling someone in the King’s Guard a grub is just hilarious to me. Bronn doesn’t always deal the deepest of burns, but he does make me laugh.
Anguy (to The Hound, putting a hood on him): Apologies, but you’re an ugly f*cker, and I’d rather not see you no more. S:3/E:3
Jaime (to Brienne): You’re much uglier in daylight. What’s your name? S:2/E:8
DA: Please keep in mind that these are the very first words Jaime speaks to Brienne — he’s just shooting from the hip right out of the gate. Such a dick.
Loras (to Renly): Stannis has the personality of a lobster. S:1/E:5
Sansa (to Arya): You’re still very strange and annoying. S:7/E:7
DA: This one wasn’t my suggestion, but I love it because I think it might be the only insult on the list delivered with a modicum of love.
Olenna (to Margaery, who looks beautiful): Get some rest dear, you look appalling. S:5/E:6
Jamie (to Brienne): you think Lady Stark is going to want a giant toe-headed plank following her around for the rest of her life? S:3/E:2
DA: I am 100% inserting “plank” into my personal insult lexicon.
Karl (to Rast): You should shut your f*cking hole. Ugly little c*nt. You look like a f*cking ballsack, ugly little looking shit pig c*nt face. I could piss in any gutter and sew five of you. S:4/E:4
EL: As far as drunken, rambling insults go, you’ve got to hand it to Karl on this one. I’m not sure he knew where he was going when he began, but he certainly finished with a bang.
The Hound (to Arya, re: Syrio Forel): I bet his hair’s greasier than Joffrey’s c*nt. S:4/E:5
Karl (to Craster): You are a bastard. A daughter-f*cking, wildling bastard. S:3/E:4
Cersei (to Jaime, re: Pycelle): You think I’d let that old lech put his hands on me? He smells like a dead cat. S:4/E:1
Tywin (to Tommen): Your brother was not a wise king. Your brother was not a good king. If he had been, perhaps he’d still be alive. S:4/E:3
EL: This one is particularly ruthless because Tywin is explaining this to Tommen in front of Cersei and Joffrey’s corpse. Good lord Tywin, give it a day at least!
Olenna (to Daenerys, re: Tyrion): He’s a clever man, your Hand. I’ve known a great many clever men. I’ve outlived them all. You know why? I ignored them. The lords of Westeros are sheep. S:7/E:2
Champion of Mereen (to Daenerys, translated by Missandei): He says that we’re an army of men without … man parts. He claims you are no woman at all but a man who … hides his cock in his own asshole. S:4/E:3
EL: Missandei’s hesitation to deliver such a crass insult to her queen really ups the hilarity here.
DA: I would just love to know the perceived logistics of this insult.
The Hound, re: the house he once robbed: I don’t like the look of it.
Thoros of Myr: For a big hard man, you scare easy.
The Hound: I’ll tell you what doesn’t scare me. Bald c*cksuckers like you. You think you’re fooling anyone with that top knot. Bald c*nt. S:7/E:1
AL: If it was up to me, this insult wouldn’t be on this list. In fact, the “top knot” line is my least favorite from the show because it’s so clearly a wink to the audience not drawn from George R.R. Martin’s original books but from the HBO team’s cheap fan service strewn throughout season 7.
EL: Were you alive when all this was happening, Alex? No you weren’t! So you don’t know what they used to call these things! I’ll give you that “man bun” would have been a dealbreaker, that’s surely a recent construct. But I’m not willing to rule out top knot. Call it willful ignorance on my part if you must, but I need it in order to appreciate this sweet, sweet burn from The Hound.
Robert (to Ned): You’ve got fat. S:1/E:1
DA: I’ve never been able to decide if Robert is saying this ironically or not — what with the exact opposite being true and all. But regardless, the fact that these are the first words out of the mouth of the friggin’ King of Westeros lets you know that this show is gonna be good.
The Hound (to Tyrion, during the Battle of the Blackwater): f*ck the Kingsguard. f*ck the city. f*ck the King. S:2/E:9
DA: This is The Hound’s Cartman moment.
Olenna: That was Joffrey’s sword wasn’t it? Not that he ever used it. What did he call it?
Jaime: Widow’s Wail.
Olenna: He really was a c*nt, wasn’t he? S:7/E:3
DA: In my humble opinion, the most accurate statement on this entire list.
‘Twas Cutting (aka “I’m not trying to be funny, I’m trying to hurt you”)
Joffrey (re: Cersei, in front of her): My mother’s always had a penchant for drama. Facts become less and less important to her as she grows … older. S:3/E:1
Robert (to Jaime): Jaime Lannister, son of the mighty Tywin Lannister, forced to mind the door while your king eats and drinks and shits and f*cks. S:1/E:3
Tywin (to Cersei): I don’t distrust you because you’re a woman. I distrust you because you’re not as smart as you think you are. S:3/E:4
EL: At least you can argue that Tywin isn’t entirely unwoke.
Euron (to Jaime): There’s nothing quite like it, is there, the love of the people? Though I suppose you wouldn’t know. S:7/E:3
Ned (to Robert, re: Daenerys): The Robert I grew up with didn’t tremble at the shadow of an unborn child. S:1/E:5
Maester Luwin: Osha is our guest.
Theon: I thought she was our prisoner.
Luwin: Are the two mutually exclusive, in your experience? S:1/E:7
DA: This is brilliant because it takes a moment to process — Theon’s identity crisis is such a catalytic agent in the world of this show, and while Luwin doesn’t even mean it as an insult, you can tell it cuts deep.
Olenna (to Tywin): True we don’t tie ourselves in knots over a discrete bit of buggery, but … brothers and sisters? Where I come from, that stain would be very difficult to wash out. S:3/E:6
Tywin (to Littlefinger): You say that as if you were the first man alive to think it. Yes, a crisis is an opportunity. What other brilliant insights have you brought me today? S:2/E:6
DA: This is one of my favorites purely because Littlefinger spends so much of the show peddling his “chaos is a ladder” jibber jabber and Tywin just buries him with it.
Margaery (to Cersei): Can we bring you anything to eat or drink? I wish we had some wine for you, it’s a bit early in the day for us. S:5/E:3
DA: Alcoholism is a disease, Margaery!
EL: [Swigs beer that we are drinking in the office while writing this…]
Jaime (to Catelyn): You know, I’ve never been with any woman but Cersei. So in my own way, I have more honor than poor old dead Ned. What was the name of that bastard he fathered? S:2/E:7
Jamie (to Brienne): You were supposed to get me to King’s Landing in one piece. Not going so well is it? No wonder Renly died with you guarding him. S:3/E:5
EL: The harshness of this is off the charts. All Brienne lives for is to fulfill her duties. Here Jamie calls her out on not upholding any of them by not protecting him or Renly, the one man she loved. The fact that it’s while they’re both naked and bathing is the icing on the cake.
Tywin (to Jamie, re: the sword Oathkeeper): Keep it, a one handed man with no family needs all the help he can get. S:4/E:1
Olenna (to Cersei): I wonder if you’re the worst person I’ve ever met. At a certain age, it’s hard to recall. But the truly vile do stand out through the years. S:6/E:7
Oberyn (to Cersei and Tywin): People everywhere have their differences. In some places the high born frown upon those of low birth. In other places the rape and murder of young women is considered distasteful. S:4/E:2
EL: Oberyn really wants it to be known that he does not approve of what happened to his sister. Which is … honestly pretty valid.
DA: “Hi, I’m Oberyn Martell. And in case you miss the first 150 times I mention what happened to my sister, I’m going to die repeating it over and over later on.”
‘Twas Both Clever and Cutting (aka “I’m trying to hurt you and I’m being funny”)
Tyrion (to Theon): Don’t despair, I’m a constant disappointment to my father and I’ve learned to live with it. S:1/E:4
DA: Of the aforementioned barbs sending Theon on his path to betrayal and ruin, I think this might be the first — and it lands so much harder for the self-deprecating packaging. Vintage Tyrion.
Yara (to Theon, upon revealing she’s his sister): So good to see you, brother. This is a homecoming I’ll tell my grandchildren about.” S:2/E:2
DA: Admittedly not hugely clever or cutting, but points awarded to Yara for the “surprise, you just fondled your sister” reveal here.
Varys: Cersei has offered a lordship to the man who brings her your head.
Tyrion: She ought to offer her c*nt. Best part of her for the best part of me. S:5/E:2
Cersei (to Robert, re: Ned): He’s attacked one of my brothers and abducted the other. I should wear the armor…and you the gown. S:1/E:6
Lord Royce (to Littlefinger): Money lender, whore monger, you’ve been licking Tywin Lannister’s boot for so long it’s a wonder your tongue’s not black. S:4/E:8
EL: Points to Lord Royce for the vivid description of Littlefinger’s gross-ass tongue.
Yara (to Theon, re: his claim to have killed Bran & Rickon Stark): You’re a great warrior. I saw the bodies above your gates. Which one gave you the tougher fight, the cripple or the six year old? S:2/E:8
Jaime (to Olenna): There are always lessons in failures.
Olenna: Yes, you must be very wise by now. S:7/E:3
EL: Score another one for The Queen of Thorns!
Tyrion (to Joffrey) We’ve had vicious kings, and we’ve had idiot kings, but I don’t know that we’ve ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for king! S:2/E:6
Tyrion (to Janos Slynt): I’m not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I’m denying its existence. S:2/E:2
EL: What a twist at the end! I think the show runners called up M. Night Shyamalan just to write this insult.
The Ramifications Tho (aka maybe not the best insult, but the fallout was major)
Ellaria Sand (to Doran Martell, just before killing him): Your son is weak, just like you. And weak men will never rule Dorne again. S:6/E:1
Qhorin Halfhand (to Jon, in a fight to the death): That’s it? That’s what you can do? You little shit. Your traitor father teach you that? Or was it your whore mother? S:2/E:10
DA: This may be the only insult on this list delivered with an actual altruistic motive — Gods bless Qhorin for selling his ruse to the Wildlings and saving Jon’s life.
Littlefinger (to Lysa, just before pushing her out the Moon Door): Oh my sweet wife. My sweet, sweet wife. I have only loved one woman, only one, my entire life. Your sister. S:4/E:7
Robb (to Catelyn): My father is dead. And the only parent I have left has no right to call anyone reckless. S:2/E:10
DA: This is basically “You let the Kingslayer go. You don’t get to tell me who to marry.” And with that, the seeds of The Red Wedding were sewn.
Ramsey Bolton (to Theon): But you don’t look like a lord. You’re just meat. Stinking meat. You reek. That’s it, that’s your name! Reek! S:3/E:10
Tyrion: When have you ever done something that wasn’t in your interest but solely for the benefit of the family?
Tywin: The day that you were born! S:3/E10
Balon Greyjoy (to Theon): Your time with the wolves has made you weak. S:2/E:3
EL: Annnnd Theon the turncloak is officially born.
Ygritte: You know nothing, Jon Snow. S:2/E:7
DA: The diss that became a declaration of love and launched a thousand memes.
Scorched Earth (aka the apex of viciousness)
Viserys (to Daenerys, re: acquiring his army): I would let his whole tribe f*ck you, all forty thousand men and their horses, if that’s what it took. S:1/E:1
DA: Worst. Brother. Ever. And that is saying a LOT in Game of Thrones.
Jaime (to Ned): 500 men just stood there and watched. All the great knights of the Seven Kingdoms, you think anyone said a word, lifted a finger? No, Lord Stark. 500 men and this room was silent as a crypt. Except for the screams, of course.” S:1/E:2
DA: I had to fight for this one, but think about it — these guys are pretty much trading casual barbs right up until Jaime blatantly conjures the image of Ned’s father and brother screaming as they burn alive, in the most callous, dismissive way. This is a verbal fatality and I stand by it.
Tyrion (to Cersei, during his trial): I did not kill Joffrey but I wish that I had. Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than a thousand lying whores! S:4/E:6
EL: Shae turning on Tyrion during his trial spurs him on to new heights of insultery, resulting in this impassioned speech in which he shits all over her, Joffrey, Cersei and the citizens of King’s Landing.
Randyll Tarly (to Sam upon his return home): I thought the Night’s Watch might make a man of you. Something resembling a man, at least. You managed to stay soft and fat. Your nose buried in books. Spending your life reading about the achievements of better men. S:6/E:6
AL: [Cut to Sam stealing his Valyrian sword.]
DA: Helluva clap, but the old man got scorched by a dragon and Sam is still kicking. Suck it, Randyll.
EL: Sam, you’re a full-bodied man. Be proud of it and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
Cersei (to Tyrion): You’ve always been funny. But none of your jokes will ever match the first one, will they? You remember, back when you ripped my mother open on your way out of her and she bled to death. Mother gone, for the sake of you. There’s no bigger joke in the world than that. S:2/E:2
Olenna (to Cersei, re: leaving King’s Landing): What’ll you do then? You have no support, not anymore. Your brother’s gone. The High Sparrow saw to that. The rest of your family have abandoned you. The people despise you. You’re surrounded by enemies, thousands of them. You’re going to kill them all by yourself? You’ve lost, Cersei. It’s the only joy I can find in all this misery. S:6/E:7
Cersei (to Tywin): How can someone so consumed by the idea of his family not have any conception of what his actual family has been doing. Everything is true about Jaime and me. Your legacy is a lie. S:4/E:10
EL: Imagine hating your father so much that you confess an unthinkable crime to him just to hurt him. The very definition of cutting off your nose to spite your face.
Tywin (to Tyrion): You are an ill-made, spiteful little creature. Full of envy, lust and low cunning. Men’s laws give you the right to bear my name and display my colors, since I cannot prove that you are not mine. And to teach me humility, the gods have condemned me to watch you waddle about wearing that proud lion that was my fathers sigil and his father before him. S:3/E:1
AL: A clever person might categorize this as a self-own, since Tywin starts it off with “ill-made,” and he is half the maker. But a really clever person will see that’s Martin sneaking in the grand theme of predeterminism. The game of thrones (not the show, but the concept) is circular.
DA: Tywin shreds Tyrion so often, both to his face and to others, that you’re pretty sure there’s nowhere left to go with it. And then he unleashes this unprecedented-even-for-this-show insult salad. I was speechless.
EL: Yeah I had to rewind this about five times to fully take in the depth and gravitas of this diatribe that Tywin delivers directly to his son’s face.
Olenna (to Jaime): I’d hate to die like your son. Clawing at my neck, foam and bile spilling from my mouth, eyes blood red, skin purple. Must have been horrible for you. As a Kingsguard, as a father. It was horrible enough for me. A shocking scene — not at all what I intended. You see, I had never seen the poison work before. Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me. S:7/E:3
DA: Game. Set. Match.
AL: And that’s the game, folks.
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