This Cookbook Is the F*cking Best Way to Stay Healthy

Thug Kitchen: Better eating through excessive profanity

By Kirk Miller

This Cookbook Is the F*cking Best Way to Stay Healthy
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12 October 2016

“If you’re a vegan who does Crossfit, what do you tell people first?”

That’s funny.

Further proving that vegans can take a joke: the duo behind Thug Kitchen, a profanity-laden recipe site that implores you to “eat like you give a f*ck.”

Started in 2012, Thug Kitchen is the brainchild of  Matt Halloway and Michelle Davis, a duo that semi-seriously wants you to “verbally abuse you into a healthier diet.” The spicy duo’s third cookbook, Thug Kitchen 101: Fast as F*ck (out this week) highlights comfort food, one-pot meals and other quick-and-easy recipes that take 40 minutes or less.

All vegan, yes. But delivered with a lot of salty language and zero pretension.

“People always say they’d cook more if they just had the time, so we wanted to show those whiny f*ckers that all they need is half an hour to cook a dope meal,” the duo told us in an email. “We know what it’s like to come home tired as f*ck after work but you still gotta eat. And all these recipes are not only cheaper but faster than takeout and way better for you.”

So think hefty yet healthy meals like crispy spaghetti pie, sweet potato al pastor tacos, nachos with Tex-Mex queso and stovetop lasagna. As for the swearing: “Our language makes eating better and cooking at home fun and approachable. Swearing and silly-ass jokes help us tear down the pretentiousness and stuffy attitude around healthy food. It encourages the audience to take control of their plate.”

Whatever fills your belly.

Below, we’ve reprinted the book’s Skillet Beer Chili Mac, which Thug Kitchen positions as an ideal social gathering/tailgating choice. “It’s a great, filling-as-f*ck one-pot meal that gives you permission to drink while you cook. What’s better than that? Just do all the knife work before you get too sideways.”

SKILLET BEER CHILI MAC

Cook time: 30-40 minutes
Makes enough for 4-6 people
Dump all this sh*t in a pot and stir it with one hand while you’re crushing your buddies in Street Fighter. Losers have to do dishes.

Ingredients

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 yellow onion, chopped
1 carrot, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 jalapeño, seeded and minced
2 tablespoons mild chili powder
2 teaspoons ground cumin
2 teaspoons smoked paprika
¼ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 can (15 ounces) unseasoned tomato sauce
1 cup beer, whatever kind you’d drink with chili
3 cups vegetable brother or water
3 cups macaroni or other small pasta
3 cups mixed cooked beans, like pinto and black beans
¼ cup nooch
1 tablespoon pure maple syrup
1 tablespoon lime juice
Toppings: sliced jalapeños, cilantro, red onion and avocado

Directions

  1. In a large, deep skillet or large soup pot, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion and cook until softened and starting to get golden, about 5 minutes. Add the carrot, bell pepper, and jalapeño and cook for another 2 minutes. Fold in the chili powder, cumin, smoked paprika, salt, and tomato paste and cook for 1 minute while stirring so that the spaces get to warm the f*ck up.
  2. Add the tomato sauce, beer and veggie broth and bring that shit to a simmer. Stir in the pasta, cover and cook, stirring occasionally until the pasta is tender, 9-12 minutes. When the pasta is tasting right, remove from the heat and stir in the beans, nooch, maple syrup and lime juice.
  3. Taste and adjust how you see fit, then serve that sh*t right up with whatever toppings are callin’ your name.

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