Growing up, if you were lucky enough to tread the sweet chlorinated waters of the public swimming pool, what did you have to float around on?
A foam noodle? The inner tube of a used tire? Your own sunburned back?
But in 2017, you’ve got your pick of inflatables, from avocados to unicorns to Kim Kardashian’s butt. Which is to say that a new micro-industry seems to have popped up (floating pool toys), and we think we know the very-21st-century combination responsible for it: models and Instagram.
Time to fess up. We follow a few lovely ladies on the ‘gram. Nothing to be ashamed of: just making the point that in our casual scrolling, we've noticed the shot de rigueur for these ladies seems to be sunbathing on a colorful, oversized blow-up pool toy.
Now, models and Instagram don’t always translate to sales. Our shelves aren’t stocked with waist trainers and diet teas, after all. But when the product in question is one that you (or your daughter) can also post on Instagram, and by doing so assert something about yourself (“I hang out at pools”) or connect yourself to certain people (Emily Ratajkowski, Alessandra Ambrosio) — a lot of people are gonna take the bait.
They’re also fun as hell, just so that’s on the record. Case in point: here’s Amy Schumer simulating what all these models probably look like trying to dismount at the edge of the pool ...
Are we mad that gorgeous women in little boxes on our phones have given rise to a Golden Age of whimsically large pool floats that will almost definitely end up collecting dust in everyone's garages comes September? On the contrary. As long as photos like the ones compiled below keep on coming, we may very well be in store for the best summer of all time. Or at least the most photogenic.
1. A quintessential example of pool floats as Instagram accessories — they're not even in use.
2. Proof that the pool float is so inherently fun and novel that it can literally imitate the shape of anything without losing its allure, up to and including human excrement.
3. In which the pool float transcends utility altogether. On the one hand, she's not even in a pool. On the other, she's Emily Ratajkowski.
2. Trying to cut back on pizza before no-shirt season? Not a chance.
1. Here you've got the mythical pool float BINGO: unicorn, swan, toucan, flamingo, palm tree — throw ‘em in the cart.
Main image via Bella Thorne’s Instagram