Whether it’s your partner, your best friend, your parents, your colleague or your dog, spending too much time with the same creatures can drive us a little nuts. (Isn’t that basically the plot of The Shining?)
But life very rarely allows us a say in who we have to spend our time with. Short of going full Pynchon and becoming a hermit, the most sensible route is learning to live with those who rub you the wrong way.
No one knows this better than Ewan, Jamie and Lachlan Maclean, three Scottish brothers who rowed across the Atlantic Ocean together in 2020, and then earlier this year, at the ages of 33, 31 and 27, completed the fastest unsupported row across the Pacific. They smashed 9,000 miles of storms and seasickness in just 139 days.
As well as being preternaturally athletic (and handsome), all three brothers are unusually well-adjusted — a common side effect when getting along with your boat mates is literally a matter of life or death. We recently spoke with the Brothers Maclean to get their advice on how to summon strength, channel your inner calm and present as a better, less reactionary you.
Here are seven strategies they picked up somewhere between the coastlines of Peru and Australia.
1. Attract Positive Vibes
Ewan Maclean: “A few weeks before our Atlantic row, we had a workshop all about actively trying to ensure that you’re attracting positive vibes. Life on an ocean rowboat is so uncomfortable that it’s easy to get down about so many things — this screw is squeaking, so-and-so hasn’t put this back properly, etc. As soon as you go down that route, it begins to spiral very quickly.”
Jamie Maclean: “We were of the mindset that if we can keep morale high and attract positive things, we’re going to feel better, we’re going to enjoy the experience, and the boat’s going to go faster.”
The lesson: How you feel is up to you. Your workout frenemy who always turns class into a competition? Remind yourself that those insecurities are on him, not you.
2. Put Things in Perspective
Ewan: “For the first few weeks we were all listening to Endurance: Shackleton’s Incredible Voyage on audiobook, and this unbelievable story really struck a chord with us. They’re going through such horrific scenarios, setback after setback, and it put our row into perspective. We had water, food, we weren’t suffering from frostbite…”
Jamie: “We had a lot to be grateful for.”
The lesson: Sitting next to your ball-busting uncle at the family function isn’t pleasant, but it’s not quite as bad as being stuck in Antarctic pack ice. In just a few hours you’ll get to go home. Remember that.
3. Be a Leader
Jamie: “Shackleton was inspiring because of all the little things he does to ensure the morale of his men. He understands that if they can stop squabbling amongst themselves, they might survive. There was this one particular character who was always causing trouble. Instead of shunning him, Shackleton actively made sure they were in the same group and were sharing a tent so he could keep an eye on him.”
The lesson: Your group project is at risk of stalling due to a one sticky cog. You know who’s to blame, and so does everyone else. But pointing this out will only make your difficult colleague more difficult to deal with. Bring them in and actually listen to them, then they can’t complain when the group votes to do things differently.
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Jamie: “Lachlan is a bit younger than us and when we were younger, he just wanted to be involved in everything we did. Unfortunately, when we were in our early teens, we were shite bags. It turned out that Lachlan had incredible grip strength for his age and size so we used to hang him off stuff.”
Ewan: “We’d hang him off doorframes, off swings. We could just peg him up there and bugger off and go do something else, then come back and show our mum or whatever. And that’s made him stronger as a person today.”
The lesson: Do not hoist your boss up onto a doorframe. Do encourage some humor to ease the tension.
5. Align Your Goals
Ewan: “Before we rowed the Atlantic, we’d never rowed at all, so we spoke to everyone we could before embarking on the challenge. The teams that got along told us that it was about aligning your goals at the start.”
Jamie: “It wouldn’t have worked if one of us wanted to break a record, another wanted to document the race the best they could and the other was fixated on fundraising. We all needed to be pulling in the same direction.”
Ewan: “Staying focused was almost easier than if we were in normal life, working a 9-5. We had specific tasks that had to be done, there was no time for deviation. Whatever we were doing, there were only ever a few possible outcomes and we were able to just focus on that, not the million distractions of our home life. That helped us stay on task.”
The lesson: Meandering meetings build frustration. Sharing a meeting itinerary — and a shorter time frame than you’d ideally like — can help keep things on track, and everyone’s blood pressure low.
6. Accept the Unexpected
Ewan: “There was a time when we thought we’d finish early, but a storm meant we had to shelter by some deserted islands. It was the closest we’d come to land in months and we just had to stay there, with whales surfacing near us. It delayed us by weeks, but we’d never have experienced that beauty had everything gone completely to plan.”
The lesson: There’s more to life than controlling everything. Going with the flow leaves room for unique, lasting and sometimes beautiful experiences.
7. Take Responsibility
Ewan: “Shackleton took responsibility for the lives of his men, and for his own actions. We tried to do that too.”
Jamie: “If something breaks on the boat, it’s very easy to deal with it later, or forget about it. You don’t want to spend your little bit of downtime fixing things. But if you take responsibility for it and do commit to fixing it, you’re taking steps to make the next person’s life a little easier and that’s really important. It could be as simple as someone making a round of coffees that you weren’t expecting. It just makes life a bit more enjoyable.”
The lesson: Your brother is a nightmare. You know it, everyone knows it. Be the bigger person and reach out with that text, or that coffee, even if you know you aren’t the problem.
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