Here, a Place to Log All Your Terrible Dates

Will you learn your lesson? Probably not.

May 10, 2017 9:00 am

In order to keep all of the women he met organized, Getting Laid In NYC author and pro dating gamer Paul Janka (since retired) made two spreadsheets, one for “leads” and one for “closes.”

Had he been in the smartphone era, Janka — who kept keep tabs on his “close rate,” info about his dates (who gave him chlamydia, etc) — likely would have created an app for himself. It’s not quite apples to apples, but we’re guessing it would’ve been one like this.

Designed to help busy people who get distracted easily figure out if they like someone — all this after they’ve both swiped right on another app and gone on a date, Evolve is a machine learning-powered dating and relationship manager that promises to teach you how to “date with intention.” If none of that has scared you off, it’s available to download here.

After rating your dates on an overall scale of 1 to 10, evaluating the place you went and making personal notes about the person you went with, Evolve analyzes your data over time so you can “see your patterns” and “weigh your options” from an informed position.

“Ever used a spreadsheet to track your dates?,” Evolve asks. “Sick of going on dates that don’t lead to anything? Want to make better use of your time? Then you need Evolve — the all-new, dating and relationship manager, designed to help get what you want faster.”

If you have any fears about the app being sad at best and deeply troubling for kids these days at worst, let Evolve’s totally normal Instagram account assuage them away like a gentle caress.

Of course, that’s only if, after analyzing your data, it tells you that you like gentle caresses in the first place.

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