How Common Is a Threesome, Really?

When the condom aisle at your local CVS runs dry, it can only mean one thing: the calendar’s approaching June 9th — aka 6/9, aka National Sex Day. It’s a holy day, not unlike the second coming — and the third, and possibly even the fourth — and a day that should be celebrated with the utmost reverence and lubrication. To embrace this most horny of holidays, many are gearing up to try something new in bed, preferably something they’ve been wanting for a long time but haven’t had the occasion to explore — and dating apps like 3Fun, built to facilitate ethically non-monogamous connections, are readying themselves for the onrush.

In the last decade, threesomes and orgies have moved closer to the mainstream than they’ve ever been in modern times. Not only did a recent study report that “group sex” was the most Googled fetish in at least four states (lookin’ at you, Delaware, Iowa, Nebraska and New Jersey), but famed Kinsey Institute sex researcher Dr. Justin Lehmiller found that threesomes are by far the most common sexual fantasy among Americans. Still, in 2017, a nationally representative survey found that only 18% of men and 10% of women reported ever actually having had a threesome in their lifetime. Despite there being more conversation about and acceptance of group sex in the abstract, many folks who want to engage in a more concrete manner still feel bound by stigma and misunderstanding.

Ethically non-monogamous circles are trying to address that gap and normalize multi-partner play. Ahead of the coming holiday, 3Fun surveyed nearly 2,000 users to learn more about their interest in threesomes and group sex and released their findings as a way to encourage more exploration on National Sex Day. According to their research, more than 40% of folks prefer what’s known as FMF (female/male/female), wherein two (straight, I guess?) women are being pleasured by one man and not necessarily pleasuring each other. (Sounds like kind of a waste, but whatever.) The other two most popular threesome configurations are the much more sensible FFM, favored by bisexual hotties and 21% of respondents, in which everyone plays with everyone else, and the MFM, favored by 19%.

How to Have a Successful Threesome, According to Queer Women

If you’re a man (especially a straight, cis one) planning a threesome, there are a lot of ways you can go wrong.

As for everyone’s favorite threesome positions, the stats strongly favor the Double Cowgirl, which involves one partner lying down on their back while another straddles the bottom partner’s face to receive oral. The third straddles the bottom partner’s hips to receive penetration or stimulation of another sort. Though the Double Cowgirl can be explosively pleasurable for all involved, like any sexual activity involving another person — and especially those involving multiple other people — continual communication and consent-giving are critical for everyone’s physical and emotional safety.

For those interested in taking a threesome out of their fantasies and into an actual bed, 3Fun’s resident intimacy expert Gigi Engle recommends first getting comfortable talking about group sex out loud. “Chances are, if you’re uncomfortable talking about multi-partner sex, engaging in the act will be equally as awkward, if not more,” she said. “Communication is key before having a threesome and is a tangible way to craft a shared vision that supports everyone. Get comfortable talking about it in the bedroom, as well as in neutral territories.”

It’s helpful to also set expectations and boundaries ahead of time to ensure that everyone is on the same page. Then — after all is said and done, after all have given head and come — aftercare is the final and most essential element of good threesome etiquette. Check in with each other and make sure everyone feels good about what just transpired. Then, as everyone glows with satisfaction and inner peace, you may drift off to sleep, knowing that the devious little Sex Day elves will stuff your stockings again next year.