Eight Real, Live, Sex-Having Women on Their Ideal Man, Then v. Now

No matter where your vote stands in these divisive times, there’s a general consensus that what was, is no more.

That we — i.e., men — could all be a little … better. As boyfriends. As fathers. As humans.

But what does that mean, exactly?

To figure it out, we asked eight real, live, sex-having women what they looked for in a partner 10 years ago, today and what they’ll expect 10 years from now.

Spoiler: Complacency is not an option. 

Marion, 30, Artist
Single, and also don’t talk to me

5-10 years ago: “I was 25 and in love with an emotionally distant tall glass of how-you-doin’. Ten years ago I was 20 and engaged in the precisely same dynamic, but with an older, scrawnier and more controlling man. What I was actually looking for the whole time was probably companionship and the exact right amount of attention from someone who understood me pretty well.”
Today: “If I were looking, it would be for someone 35 and older, career-driven but not obsessed, with more hobbies than vices, happy to see each other once or twice a month at least for whatever, not into shady sh*t, no PDA and with no unsolicited opinions about my body or any other women’s bodies. No trash politics. Good personal hygiene. Not really into TV … See? This is why I’m not dating.
10 years from now: “No musicians, no architects, no polys. No ‘I’m not a cat person’ people. No bad-at-sex people. No new friends.”

Frances, 32, Creative Consultant
Married and stoked on it

5-10 years ago: “Someone fun and smart that would make a good husband.”
Today: “Someone fun and smart that would make a good father.”
10 years from now: “Someone fun and smart to grow old with.”

Otto, 36, Magazine Editor
Soon-to-be married, already stoked on it

5-10 years ago: “Someone ambitious and curious.”
Today: “Someone who is complete within himself.”
10 years from now: “Someone who will remain solvent even when the world becomes irrational.”

Martie, 33, Producer
Some type of way

5-10 years ago:Hot dudes, older than me, with a top-ranked college degree, a cool job and liberal-leaning.”
Today: “Guys who look like they will age well. I try to imagine what he would look like picking up our kids (not that I actually plan on having them) from soccer practice. So he doesn’t have to be classically hot … yet. This mostly applies to my swiping rules on dating apps — cute enough that I can envision him packing the back of an SUV and having that vision turn me on. Also liberal-leaning isn’t enough now. He has to have voted for Hillary in the last election. No exceptions. Just ‘not Trump’ isn’t enough. Also, he must be 420-friendly. It’s something important for me to share with my partner sometimes and I won’t bother with anyone who never ever partakes.”
10 years from now: “I have no idea. A stable job? But will I really care at that point as long as we have fun, great sex and he voted for Hillary in the 2016 election?”

Emma, 29, Interior Designer
Married on paper

5-10 years ago: “Someone who didn’t need anything from me.”
Today: “Someone honest and humble.”
10 years from now: “Someone who is asking questions that won’t be solved in his lifetime. And knows that life is too f*cking serious not to laugh at it.”

Nicole, 46, Dermatologist
Who knows?

5-10 years ago: “No Christians. No Republicans. No diseases.”
Today: “No Christians. No Republicans. No kids.”
10 years from now: “No Christians. No Republicans. No complacency.”

Tanya, 40, Architect
Dating … for now

5-10 years ago: “Someone who challenged me.”
Today: “My equal.”
10 years from now: “Someone who challenges himself.”

Lily, 28, Marketing Coordinator
Boyfriend-ed up

5-10 years ago: “Respectful, loving, open-minded, supportive and with a high emotional intelligence.”
Today: “Repeat.”
10 years from now: “And again.”