20 Valentine's Day Gifts You Can Literally Pick Up on Your Way Home From Work, Ranked

We're talking real last-minute here

February 14, 2020 1:36 pm
best last minute valentines day gifts
No one's gonna be mad at chocolate
Monique Carrati

In relationships, as in life, there are usually some tell-tale signs to let you know when you’ve fucked up. 

A text that says “K,” a text that begins “I actually just find it funny that…”, your S.O. changing their profile picture from a photo of the two of you to a photo of just them (looking exceptionally attractive), and finding yourself on this, the 14th day of February, desperately scouring the aisles of Duane Reade for a last-minute Valentine’s Day gift are all fairly reliable signs you’ve fucked up. 

Fortunately, if you’ve found yourself in the latter situation, we can help. In case you somehow missed each and every one of our multiple, carefully curated Valentine’s Day gift guides, we’ve put together this largely ironic but potentially still helpful list of eleventh-hour Valentine’s Day gifts you can literally pick up on your way home tonight. 

Some good, some bad, some Barry White’s Greatest Hits (Vol. 1 and 4), one of these suggestions may just save your relationship — and/or unnecessarily postpone its inevitable demise, needlessly prolonging both your suffering. Either way, consider it our last-minute Valentine’s Day gift to you. 

20. A teddy bear 

Jk please don’t

19. A discontinued Beanie Baby you stole from your little brother’s bedroom and tried to pass off as a new purchase 

True horror story from high school Valentines of yore

18. A fancy steak you have to cook because you made no other plans

Wait: do you know how to cook?

17. Condoms, lube & a drug store vibrator 

For sexier sex

16. A pizza

Arrange the pepperoni in a heart or something idk

15. A Starbucks gift card 

You can send them an e-gift card right now

14. Poo-pourri 

A gift for you both 

13. Face masks 

Something you can purchase at a drug store if you are too lazy to go to Sephora 

12. Candles 

Drug store candle selections are criminally underrated 

11. A tattoo of the person’s name on your body 

A gift that lasts a lifetime 

10. Jewelry 

You can walk into literally any department store and find something passable

9. Barry White’s Greatest Hits Vol. 1 and 4 


8. Literally any kind of chocolate 

That M&M you found between the car seats? Counts.

7. Plan B 

For real though 

6. Perfume/fragrance

Which is a good gift

5. Two-dozen roses from Whole Foods 

Which can be yours for the low price of $20 

4. A last-minute non-gift where you pretend to have planned something big for an upcoming weekend but haven’t actually done anything 

Assuming you can’t still book a last-minute hotel room.

3. A staycation at a hotel for the night 

Assuming you can still book a last-minute hotel room

2. A nice bottle of wine or champagne 

Whatever “nice” means to you

1. An e-gift card to a spa 

Mynd has multiple locations throughout the country

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