The 50 Worst Types of Internet Commenter, Ranked

From white knights to tough guys to ‘This. So much this.’

By The Editors

The 50 Worst Types of Internet Commenter, Ranked
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16 February 2018

Forty years ago today, the bulletin board went digital.

Dubbed the “original home-brewed internet” by Wired, the first CBBS (for Computer Bulletin Board Systems) allowed users to access and upload notes onto a public forum that could be viewed by anyone with a landline and some rudimentary computer know-how.

Later, those boards would evolve into a novel little invention called the World Wide Web. They would also give rise to another cultural phenomenon: strangers on the internet, yelling at each other.

So to celebrate all the dunderheaded people we meet online, here’s a list of the 50 worst internet commenters, ranked.

From white knights to virtual tough guys to grammar police, let the hating begin.

50. “First”

49. Porn commenters. Why?

48. People who definitely just Googled an unfamiliar concept (say, “intersectional feminism”) and are now certifiable experts on the topic

47. Food video enthusiasts who are “DEFINITELY making this tonight”

46. The guy who threatens to leave as if he is in a room of people who actually care

45. Anyone who deletes/edits a comment after getting burned

44. People who assume your identity (“Yeah, that's exactly what a white male would say!”)

43. People who say something controversial or incendiary and then disappear

42. That goddamn handclap emoji

41. “I don't usually get political on here, but ...”

40. Mr. Thesaurus

39. “This is EVERYTHING”; “This. So much this.”

38. Your auntie who asks, “Who is that handsome young man in the photo?” because that's also her favorite joke in real life and she thought it would translate well online.

37. Humblebraggers

36. Anyone who uses the word “sheeple”


34. Truthers who treat every internet video like it's the Zapruder film and give long-winded explanations of why what you're watching is surely FAKE

33. The relentless aggressor who won't let it go

32. Contrarians and pedants who treat every discussion like it's a freshman philosophy class

31. Armchair activists

30. The level-headed commenter trying to be the voice of reason

29. People with terrible spelling and grammar

28. Grammar police

27. People who link out to their blog post that is tangentially related to the topic at hand

26. Couples who share an account

25. Spoiler-ers

24. “Unpopular opinion, but ...” [proceeds to parrot widely held and accepted opinion]

23. People who ask for an explanation of something that is easily Googleable

22. “Jet fuel can't melt steel beams

21. Oversharers

20. “What do you think about this [tags person who is not part of conversation but would vehemently disagree with the argument at hand]”

19. Anyone who's ever accused someone of being a “feminazi,” “libtard” or other Breitbart-adjacent portmanteau

18. Smug Europeans who comment on American stories as if they don't have their own systemic issues that are equally bad

17. Men's rights activists

16. “I am making a compensation of more than 3800 dollars every week, that is great. Over a year back I was in an awful condition, jobless with just couple of bucks. Because of one of my companions who demonstrated to me a way where I could accumulate myself and making normal of 50-60 dollars for each hour… Amazing thing about it was that necessity for the activity is essential composing and solid internet...If you figure this could be for you at that point discover more here…”

15. People who would prefer that you don't politicize [enter inherently political issue here]

14. “All lives matter”

13. People who respond to tragedies with emojis

12. People who do serious investigative work and stalk a profile in order to buttress their point (“You're a mom of five and that's what you think?”)

11. “Fake news”

10. White knights

9. #Excessivehashtaggers

8. People who want to hook you up with some FREE HD movies and MP3s

7. Thirsty men of Instagram

6. Fat shamers

5. YouTube commenters

4. Internet tough guys

3. Racists

2. Doxxers

1. Anyone who surreptitiously links to this

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