News & Opinion | August 31, 2021 12:47 pm

Michael Jordan’s “Heavily Used” Boxer Shorts Can Now Be Yours

One perhaps alarmingly devoted Michael Jordan fan could be the proud new owner of the NBA star's used underwear

Michael Jordan #23 of the Chicago Bulls rests on the court during a game in red uniform.
Michael Jordan's underwear is "about as close to greatness" as many of us will ever get, apparently.
Mike Powelll/Allsport

For centuries, women have found enterprising ways to make ends meet in a society determined to hinder their financial security and independence, including divorcing rich men, engaging in various forms of sex work and, in more recent years, selling their used underwear to strangers on the internet. But in our evolved age of gender equality, it turns out it’s not just women who stand to make some extra cash hawking their undergarments online. For a certain brand of perhaps alarmingly devoted Michael Jordan fans, a pair of the star’s “personally worn” boxer shorts are reportedly up for auction, according to Page Six.

Per a source for the outlet, the shorts going up for sale at Leland’s auctioneers were “regularly worn” and show signs of “heavy use.” Personally, I have zero interest in knowing what such signs of heavy underwear use might entail, and fortunately the Page Six source did not elaborate. The good news, however, is that a dry-cleaning tag inside seems to indicate these heavily used boxers have at least been washed since they were last heavily used. A blurb on the auction site cites “some loose threads evident at the seams” as a sign of “definite use,” declaring these used shorts “about as close to greatness as one can get” — if wearing heavily used secondhand underwear you purchased online is your idea of greatness, that is.

The price of greatness starts at $500, with bidding open for another 25 days. The shorts are reportedly among a collection of other Jordan-owned items up for auction, including suits, ties, belts and jackets that ended up in the hands of the star’s bodyguard, John Michael Wozniak, who has previously sold Jordan’s belongings at auction.

While Page Six questions how or why Wozniak would’ve ended up with Micheal Jordan’s underwear, I’m less concerned about the man selling the undergarments (if I happened to be in possession of a famous person’s underwear, heavily worn or not, I too would attempt to sell it online) than whoever ends up dropping hundreds or even thousands on a pair of used boxer shorts.

Regardless, the fact that men, too, can now earn money selling other men’s underwear online (probably to other male buyers) is a true win for 21st-century gender equality. This is what Mary Wollstonecraft would’ve wanted.