News & Opinion | December 3, 2020 11:48 am

A Giant Penis Statue in the Bavarian Mountains Is the New Mysterious Monolith

Monoliths are out, giant German penis statues are in

bavarian mountains
The hills are alive with phallic structures.
DieterMeyrl/Getty Images

Move over, mysterious monoliths, the Bavarian mountains have something better: a giant mysterious penis.

Much like the monoliths that have been popping up across the the U.S. for the past week or so, a giant wooden penis statue has appeared in the German wilderness days after another phallic statue disappeared from that exact spot. According to the Independent, the original penis statue dates back several years, and had become a popular selfie destination for hikers prior to its disappearance, with Google Maps even declaring the phallus statue a “cultural monument.”

The beloved phallic landmark reportedly toppled several weeks ago, and was later erected (get it?) again, only to mysteriously vanish last weekend, leaving only a pile of sawdust in its place.

The plot thickened today, however, when a new, even larger phallus statue appeared at the site atop the 5,702-foot Gruenten mountain in southern Germany.

While one could potentially argue that the disappearing monoliths that seem to have captivated and mystified Americans over the past several days are vaguely phallic in a sleek, futuristic way, Germany is out here serving us giant, unambiguously phallic wood, as god, nature and double entendre intended.

Mysterious monoliths are out. Giant German penis statues are in for 2021.