Joe Biden’s Hairy Arms Are Beautiful and Yours Are, Too
Sun’s out, Biden’s hairy guns are out
Last week, the FDA and CDC approved a third vaccine shot (aka a “booster”) for American adults ages 65 and up. Yesterday, Joe Biden — known to most for his role as POTUS, and to some for this vintage thirst trap seen ‘round the world — was photographed getting his very own COVID-19 booster shot. And as Kelly Conaboy noted in the resurrected Gawker, “Holy shit, that is the hairiest arm I have ever seen.”
Conaboy, prompted by Twitter users echoing the same sentiment, poked and prodded Biden’s forearm mane, asking if he “put fake hair there as a prank” or if “part of a sweater” stuck to him. “Fucking hairy as hell,” she concluded.
But I would like to push back on that statement, not because I’m an obnoxious contrarian, but because I adore hairy arms, and I would like to see Biden’s framed in the Louvre next to the Mona Lisa, and then later on display in a traveling multi-city tour.
Hairy dudes, I don’t want you to manscape your arm hair. Do not wax it. Do not trim it. And absolutely do not shave it.
You may be unaware, but atop your beefy arms lies a layer of fuzz that, in my eyes, has been architected by Zeus and Hercules and all the other brawny Greek gods out there. Your arm hair is a symbol of your strength, your divine masculinity and, most importantly, your willingness to grow — both as a fluffy guy and as a human being.
Because embracing your body hair isn’t just a “stick-it-to-the-man” act of defiance: it’s a symbol of a larger movement toward earnest body acceptance, and a rejection of body standards that never were — and never will be — realistic. For decades, both men and women have been sold the convoluted idea that body hair is appropriate only in small batches and only on body parts cherished by the executives who profit off of grooming concerns. If you want to trim your tresses because it’s a habit that empowers you to feel your goddamn best, by all means, go for it. But you should feel equally empowered and comfortable rocking it au naturel.
Thankfully, there is no shortage of hairy men from which you can draw inspiration in this journey. Hirsute-man representation has historically been very strong in the annals of pop culture. There’s hairy Hugh Jackman, hairy Baywatch David Hassehoff, hairy American Idol Simon Cowell, hairy funny guy Will Ferrell, hairy sexy Superman Henry Cavill, and hairy Burt fucking Reynolds.
I know it’s tough out there. You’re tired of being called “hairy” by romantic partners who simply can’t grasp the luxury inherent in your unkempt state. And while you’re at it, take another piece of advice from a very stately man in solidarity with your fringed forearms:
“We know that to beat this pandemic and to save lives … we need to get folks vaccinated,” Biden said while getting jabbed. “So, please, please do the right thing. Please get these shots. It can save your life and it can save the lives of those around you.”
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