Russia Wins Gold Medal for Most Excessive Athlete Transport Planes

Now if only they had some athletes to put on them ...

By The Editors
July 19, 2016 9:00 am

There’s a good chance the entire Russian Olympics team will be forced to sit out the Rio Games and watch the stadiums crumble under the weight of the spectators.

But there’s always 2020. And in 2020, the Russians will be able to fly to the Games — in Tokyo — in style.

This is true thanks to a sports team-specific revised edition of the Sukhoi Civil Aircraft, “SportJet,” a one-of-a-kind training, rehabilitation and relaxation center on wheels/wings. The Russian manufacturer says the remodeled planes, “with massage tables, fitness equipment, [and] a coaches office” are designed to substitute major sports clubs’ chartered flights. (Somebody’s gotta get Team Iceland back to Reykjavik.)

In addition to amenities like massage tables and treadmills, a rest area will be equipped with AeroScan technology, capable of measuring athletes’ “blood pressure, blood oxygen levels, hydration, and heart rate” while they sleep, which isn’t creepy at all. An “Airband” system, meanwhile, will collect other athlete data and send it on to coaches for analysis.

The SportJet goes into production two years from now, with delivery anticipated in 2020.

Our move, Team USA.

The InsideHook Newsletter.

News, advice and insights for the most interesting person in the room.