Where Does Your City Rate on the Zombie Preparedness Index?

New Yorkers are completely SOL, unsurprisingly

November 4, 2016 9:00 am

We’ve nearly gone another year without a zombie apocalypse. But what if 2017 is the year the dead finally rise from their graves to eat our brains and fix our overpopulation problems?

Boston: Survives.  

New York City: Doomed.

That’s according to Career Builder’s 2016 edition of a scientific ranking of U.S. cities most and least likely to survive a zombie apocalypse. After compiling data from Emsi, their labor market analysis arm, Boston once again leads the list of 53 metropolitan areas in the categories of defense, containment, cure and food.

There are a few alarming changes this year. In 2015, Minneapolis, MN, and Hartford, CT, were ranked in the 20s. Now they’re in the top 10. Meanwhile, Columbus, OH, number three last year, moved down 30 places. It’s unclear what happened in Columbus to decrease their chances of surviving the living dead, but someone needs to call the mayor before there’s mass hysteria.

What this ranking makes perfectly clear is a lot of us are going to (hypothetically, of course) turn into soulless cannibals. It’s not all bad, though. Portland and Louisville scored highest on “[outlasting] the epidemic with an ample food supply.” So before meeting their eventual demise, they can drown their sorrows in plenty of Stumptown coffee and Kentucky bourbon.

If your city isn’t listed, don’t feel neglected. The zombie apocalypse is definitely going to start in a major city, so the smaller your population or remote your town, the better.

Career Builder doesn’t want anyone to lose sleep over this study, adding, “We’re applying science to answer this extremely relevant, but impossible scenario.”

Yeah, sure, impossible.

If you need us, we’ll be out of the office for a while.

Main image: AMC

The InsideHook Newsletter.

News, advice and insights for the most interesting person in the room.