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In case you haven’t looked at the calendar in recent weeks, 4/20 is only days away. And while the annual celebration of all things weed might not mean much when you’re toking every day, it still stands as an opportunity to reset and ask yourself a handful of important questions. Does your bong need cleaning? Is your weed stored somewhere it won’t go dry? And perhaps most importantly, are you enjoying your high sessions with a snack worthy of the occasion?
I asked myself that final question as I looked through the pantry on a recent evening, hoping I’d find something to satisfy the munchies. Leftovers left much to be desired. The sole bag of chips was stale. And even my go-to snack when all else failed, a Chocolate Brownie Clif Bar, looked a little bland as it sat there on the shelf. Too lazy (or stoned) to run to the nearest bodega, I settled for a bowl of yogurt and granola, a nibble neither satisfying nor disappointing.
Don’t be like me. Instead, refer to this definitive guide on the best snacks to eat while stoned that I’ve put together just for you. There’s something here for the sweet tooths, the spice lords and even the stoners that want to eat healthy. And because there’s a chance you’ll be glued to the couch, most of the snacks on this list can be ordered from the comfort of your home. Enjoy 4/20 and every holy high day to come.
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Nutella
Use it as a dip for pretzels and graham crackers, spread it on a sandwich with peanut butter or eat it by the spoonful. Truth be told, there is no single right way to eat Nutella but that’s exactly why it’s so damn good. Let your imagination run wild and make some stoner-foodie concoction or keep it simple and shove it in your mouth straight from the jar. You can’t go wrong no matter how you prefer this famous chocolate hazelnut spread.
Grapes
Grapes may not be the first food that comes to mind in the midst of a high, but consider this: they’re sweet, perfectly textured with a firm skin and soft pulp, easy to eat in large quantities and, most importantly, they’re not bad for you, unlike traditional high foods. Enthusiasts freeze them to make them taste better (your mileage may vary) and those with an Amazon Prime account can order them online through Whole Foods for pickup or delivery.
Nestle Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
Just because you’re baked, doesn’t mean your cookies have to be, too. Pull out a sharp object and eat the squares at your leisure as opposed to burning your cookies while you burn your bud. Sure, there’s the inherent risk of salmonella that everyone seems to fuss over but how many times have you eaten this stuff without getting sick? I’ll answer that for you: enough to know it’s absolutely worth the risk.
Orville Redenbacher’s Gourmet Popcorn Kernels
Throwing a bag of popcorn in the microwave is child’s play, and it doesn’t help that said bags are riddled with chemicals and additives. Get a little creative in the kitchen with the OG popcorn master, Orville Redenbacher, by whipping up a pot of kernals on the stove before adding your own ingredients, from salt and butter to honey and candy. Sure, the process requires a little more time and patience but it’s well worth the effort.
Oreos
Year after year, Oreos reign supreme as America’s best-selling cookie, but it’s the many ways you can eat an Oreo that make this cookie such a stellar stoner snack (apologies for the alliteration). Eat it the ole fashioned way in a few bites, delicately take it apart to enjoy the filling, dunk it in milk or lick the frosty filling until it’s gone. We won’t judge how you choose to enjoy such a tried and true winner.
Hummus
Indeed, the chickpea spread that accompanies falafel and pita is incredibly delicious when you’re glazed over. Beyond the rich umami flavors and melt-in-your-mouth consistency, hummus is also packed with vitamins and minerals that help fight inflammation, improve blood sugar control and digestive health, and lower your risk of heart disease. Source a bag of pretzels or fresh pitas from the local bodega and go to town.
Top Ramen Noodle Soup
Sometimes your stomach craves more than a snack when you’re getting toasted but conjuring up a meal turns into a difficult task, in which case you’d be wise to have a pack of Top Ramen within reach. The instant noodles are easy to prepare in minutes and come packed with flavor that’s goods on its own or elevated when you toss in your own ingredients.
Vosges Exotic Chocolate Bar Library
Feeling a little fancy after getting faded? Do yourself a favor before you break out the weed and order up some Vosges chocolates that come in decadent flavors and varieties. My personal favorite, the chocolate bar library, includes a selection of both dark and milk chocolate bars in flavors such embrace raw honey, matcha green tea and banana coconut mint.
Watermelon
Again, fruit may not be the first snack that comes to mind but there’s a reason your favorite candies are always trying to replicate the taste of watermelon. It’s healthy, juicy and boasts a triad of flavors (sweet, sour, bitter) that level one another out and make the fruit taste so darn unique. Do as the southerners do and add a little salt to your melon to bring out the different flavors. And while you can throw a watermelon in your Amazon shopping cart, we recommend finding a ripe one at the nearest grocer.
Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked Ice Cream
Longtime Vermonters (and hippies) Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield claim their famous “Half Baked” ice cream was inspired by its blend of chocolate and vanilla ice cream alongside fudge brownie and chocolate chip cookie dough, but who are we kidding? This is clearly a treat fit for the stoners of the world that seek a decadent ice cream with a name fit for the occasion.
Totino’s Pizza Rolls
“There comes a time when you need a meal quickly, but you want a snack with a spicy kick.” Longtime stoners and (Adult Swim fans) will remember Tim and Eric’s ode to pizza rolls, a snack made for those of us too stoned to operate the oven but more than capable of handling the microwave. With flavors like cheesy garlic and meatball marinara, you couldn’t go wrong if you tried. Just be patient and let them cool before you burn off the roof of your mouth.
Annie’s Mac & Cheese Shells
On cold winter nights when feet of snow stopped us from going to the bars, we’d pack a bowl and put a box of Annie’s on the stove. The white cheddar and organic pasta was a little heartier than other well-known boxed macaroni brands and while the price was a bit higher, it reflected the better quality and taste. This is a personal favorite that brings me back to my college years.
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