The 50 Worst Types of Internet Commenter, Ranked
From white knights to tough guys to ‘This. So much this.’
Forty years ago today, the bulletin board went digital.
Dubbed the “original home-brewed internet” by Wired, the first CBBS (for Computer Bulletin Board Systems) allowed users to access and upload notes onto a public forum that could be viewed by anyone with a landline and some rudimentary computer know-how.
Later, those boards would evolve into a novel little invention called the World Wide Web. They would also give rise to another cultural phenomenon: strangers on the internet, yelling at each other.
So to celebrate all the dunderheaded people we meet online, here’s a list of the 50 worst internet commenters, ranked.
From white knights to virtual tough guys to grammar police, let the hating begin.
49. Porn commenters. Why?
48. People who definitely just Googled an unfamiliar concept (say, “intersectional feminism”) and are now certifiable experts on the topic
47. Food video enthusiasts who are “DEFINITELY making this tonight”
46. The guy who threatens to leave as if he is in a room of people who actually care
45. Anyone who deletes/edits a comment after getting burned
44. People who assume your identity (“Yeah, that’s exactly what a white male would say!”)
43. People who say something controversial or incendiary and then disappear
42. That goddamn handclap emoji
41. “I don’t usually get political on here, but …”
40. Mr. Thesaurus
39. “This is EVERYTHING”; “This. So much this.”
38. Your auntie who asks, “Who is that handsome young man in the photo?” because that’s also her favorite joke in real life and she thought it would translate well online.
36. Anyone who uses the word “sheeple”
‘Sheeple’ is in the dictionary now. https://t.co/pbXVADEoBm
— Merriam-Webster (@MerriamWebster) April 27, 2017
35. CAPS LOCK GUY
34. Truthers who treat every internet video like it’s the Zapruder film and give long-winded explanations of why what you’re watching is surely FAKE
33. The relentless aggressor who won’t let it go
32. Contrarians and pedants who treat every discussion like it’s a freshman philosophy class
31. Armchair activists
30. The level-headed commenter trying to be the voice of reason
29. People with terrible spelling and grammar
28. Grammar police
27. People who link out to their blog post that is tangentially related to the topic at hand
26. Couples who share an account
24. “Unpopular opinion, but …” [proceeds to parrot widely held and accepted opinion]
23. People who ask for an explanation of something that is easily Googleable
20. “What do you think about this [tags person who is not part of conversation but would vehemently disagree with the argument at hand]”
19. Anyone who’s ever accused someone of being a “feminazi,” “libtard” or other Breitbart-adjacent portmanteau
18. Smug Europeans who comment on American stories as if they don’t have their own systemic issues that are equally bad
17. Men’s rights activists
16. “I am making a compensation of more than 3800 dollars every week, that is great. Over a year back I was in an awful condition, jobless with just couple of bucks. Because of one of my companions who demonstrated to me a way where I could accumulate myself and making normal of 50-60 dollars for each hour… Amazing thing about it was that necessity for the activity is essential composing and solid internet…If you figure this could be for you at that point discover more here…”
15. People who would prefer that you don’t politicize [enter inherently political issue here]
14. “All lives matter”
13. People who respond to tragedies with emojis
12. People who do serious investigative work and stalk a profile in order to buttress their point (“You’re a mom of five and that’s what you think?”)
11. “Fake news”
10. White knights
8. People who want to hook you up with some FREE HD movies and MP3s
6. Fat shamers
4. Internet tough guys
Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me “old,” when I would NEVER call him “short and fat?” Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend – and maybe someday that will happen!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 12, 2017
1. Anyone who surreptitiously links to this