The 8 Health Tests You Can Take at Home

Live or die, but never leave your couch

By Kirk Miller

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27 February 2018

Not a fun fact: Almost 50% of men admit they don’t get annual check-ups.

And more than 50% of men don’t talk about their health. At all. With anyone.

Fear? Embarrassment? A terrible lack of planning? Whatever your excuse, we’ve got you covered — at home, away from prying eyes.

Herein, eight health services you can order without leaving the couch. Cancer, STDs, erectile dysfunction ... whatever may ail you, there’s a test (and perhaps a cure) arriving in the mail — in discreet packaging. (P.S. You should still go see your doctor.)

For hair loss: Keeps
Well, continued hair loss. Started by two ex-Google employees, this is a personalized, doctor-recommended hair loss prevention plan that offers FDA-approved treatments at half the usual cost — all you need to do is fill out a quick questionnaire and send in a few pics.

For erectile dysfunction: Roman
FDA-approved medication diagnosed (in just a few minutes) and prescribed (within two hours), all online. Not a reason to use, but their ads are phenomenal.

For hair loss and erectile dysfunction: hims
Wellness plans for two of your important areas, with the selling points being pricing, privacy and at-home convenience.

For checking your sperm: YO
YO is a clip-on device that analyzes your “motile” sperm (your healthy swimmers, essentially) via a mini microscope. You then use your smartphone’s video and camera light to view your, uh, contribution and save a vid of your sperm. Results in minutes. (FutureFamily is a like-minded at-home sperm analysis kit.)

For hereditary cancer risks: Color
An at-home saliva test that serves as an early warning detection system for cancer. It analyzes dozens of genes for mutations that could increase your risk for hereditary cancers (pancreatic, colorectal, stomach, etc.) They also offer a hereditary high cholesterol test.

For STDs: myLAB
An incredibly convenient STD test kit that’ll require only five minutes of your time in the form of an at-home urine sample and finger-prick kit (mail ‘em in, results from your tests arrive in 1-5 days). Go for the Uber Box, which’ll test for HIV (I & II), Hepatitis C, Herpes Simplex Type II, Syphilis, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea and Trichomoniasis.

For (inherited) diabetes and cholesterol risks: Helix
This “personal genomics” company actually peddles more than 20 DNA-analysis products in fields both obvious (ancestry, nutrition) and unexpected (wine). You just provide the saliva sample.

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