If your gut is telling you that a historically seasonable winter could be a preamble to a historically unbearable wet hot American summer, you may have a future as a meteorologist.
Cause they’re predicting a warm one out there.
For some men, that’s great news. Sunshine! Tans! Skimpy outfits! For those among us who could water every plant in the house by wringing out our running shorts, on the other hand, this is tragic stuff. Any man who’s ever soaked through a shirt mid-commute, -board meeting or — God forbid — -first date knows that sweating is a very real and tangible source of anxiety.
But we will not go soggily into the night. Nor will we get Botox injections or fancy medical prescriptions and procedures, because those things, while effective, introduce other problems.
Instead, heed these seven rules of dress, portage and general upkeep to spend the coming dog days in a state of (relative) personal aridity.
Stop being late
Two things contribute to your perspiration levels when you’re running late. Most obviously, you get your hustle on. Getting your hustle on makes you sweat more. Second, it stresses you out. Guess what? Stress also makes you sweat more. Give yourself an extra 10 minutes in transit and exercise a more leisurely pace.
Buildings have AC. Glorious AC. It’s the time you spend in between them that gets the gland thrumming. On the way to and from the office, wear a light cotton tee. When you get to your destination, pad down any excess dampness in the loo and throw on your dress shirt.
Is linen really the answer?
Kind of. Linen is great for staying dry right up until the moment it doesn’t. Translation: it’s lightweight, but it won’t wick moisture well. Once you pass the sweat barrier, you’re soaked. Better option: light cottons and more tech-savvy fabrics like the ones Ministry of Supply uses.
Put the backpack away
It’s heavy, abrasive and has a huge surface area: all contributing factors to the fact that you look like you’re wearing a two-toned shirt as soon as you take it off. Opt instead for a messenger or tote.
On the ball(s)
Your pits aren’t the only super-glandular part of the body. Common knowledge used to hold that a quick powder every morning would do the trick. But in light of a recent class-action lawsuit, maybe back off that method. Fortunately, there are a ton of creams, pastes and salves available that are equally effective. We like Jack Black’s Dry Down.
If your shoes are not 100% leather or damn close to it, don’t wear them without socks. They will develop an odor something onerous, whether you realize it or not. Solution: sightless socks.
Antiperspirant or deodorant?
Trick question. We recommend this hybrid of the two by Ban. Apply once before bed (it takes it a while to seep into your pores and block sweat glands, so applying right before you get dressed ain’t doing much) and then again in the morning. Great thing about Ban? In your correspondent’s near-decade of experience, it doesn’t stain white shirts to high hell like most gel antiperspirants do.
Image via Universal Pictures
This is but one installment of 37 Things a Man's Gotta Do This Summer, our annual compendium of everything worth seeing, doing, eating, drinking and generally making time for in your neck of the woods between now and September