The Listings: Castles or Condos

Everyone has an S.F. property nightmare — whether it’s an actual, recurring nightmare, or just that time you had to pack up and move to Daly City. But there are also dreams to be had out there. Hence: our monthly roundup of five of the area’s top-line properties, all currently up for grabs.

Step 1) Get a million bucks.

Step 2) Buy a castle in Europe. Or a 2BR in SoMa.

You’ve already seen the meme. Today, we’re taking it literally.

First we asked ourselves: What can $1 million really buy around the Bay?

And then we found castles for around the same budget in faraway places.

The choice is yours.

324 Scott Street
Hayes Valley
$995,000

When does a two-bedroom condo with admittedly lovely mouldings go for over $1 million? When it’s a remodeled Victorian in the heart of Hayes Valley. (Also evidence for why 80 percent of S.F. millennials say they’ve abandoned the dream of home ownership.) The deck’s all yours; you’ll need to share the backyard.

For about the same price, you could also get a 15th-century, 3,200-square-feet “little chateau” with four bedrooms and a three-bedroom guest cottage, near Bordeaux, France.

15 Regatta Way
Napa
$929,000

A four-bedroom in the Napa Yacht Club gated community, this four-bedroom has a deeded dock as well as pretty spectacular views of the surrounding wetlands.

For just about the same price, please see this “magnificent Georgian family home” in Ireland’s County Wicklow that’s not exactly a castle but does offer 7,000 square feet of living space as well as 11 bedrooms and 14 full baths.

805 Bolinas Road
Fairfax
$1,029,000

There’s new paint, carpet and countertops in this four-bedroom Marin County home, with a deck overlooking the private, wooded .42-acre lot.

For about half the price, you might consider this German Gothic castle from 1377, featuring a freestanding tower house with walls more than eight feet thick. Former owners include a Knight of the Holy Sepulchre of Jerusalem. Internet available!

139 Byxbee Street
Ingleside Terrace, S.F.
$915,000

Head out to Ingleside Heights and a million bucks will get you a spacious five-bedroom with views of the Pacific from all three levels. Fully remodeled four years ago, with a private space on the ground floor via separate entrance.

For about the same price, you could also get a 19th-century, fully restored, nine-bedroom chateau about 25 miles from the Atlantic Ocean, in the Limousin region of France.