News & Opinion | September 10, 2021 3:25 pm

New Zealand Prime Minister Has to Remind People Not to Have COVID Sex in the Hospital

Jacinda Ardern had to issue a public reminder after a tattletale/concerned citizen issued a complaint

Photo shows an empty hospital bed, but not, like, in a sad way.
A bed's a bed, right?
Unsplash

Hospitalized patients in New Zealand aren’t about to let a little pandemic get in the way of their hot vax fall, to the extent that the country’s Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has felt compelled to issue a public reminder that people probably shouldn’t be having sex with hospital patients amid COVID-19.

The announcement followed a formal complaint filed by a man who reportedly witnessed two people getting it on in his ward at Auckland Hospital during a city-wide lockdown during the Delta outbreak.

“Five o’clock, this young lady came in and disappeared behind the curtains and it was pretty obvious what was happening in there,” the man told New Zealand broadcaster 1News. “There was four people in the ward and it was all just a bit staggering, all very embarrassing.”

Sounds like kind of cock-blocking tattletale to me, the kind of guy who rats you out to the RA for having sex in the shower stalls of your college dorm, but this snitch claims he was only trying to stop the spread. “There was a view that ‘hey, don’t be a spoil sport’ but it was the wider COVID question that I was raising and in fact, I made a complaint to the staff on that.”

Unfortunately, this purportedly well-intentioned complaint seems to have made things pretty awkward for everyone involved, including Ardern, who appeared visibly uncomfortable when forced to address the issue with director general of health Dr Ashley Bloomfield during their daily COVID-19 press briefing on Thursday.

“I think it’s a high risk activity, potentially,” Dr. Bloomfield told a reporter who questioned the safety of hospitalized hanky-panky during a pandemic. “However I don’t know any of the details about that interaction.”

Ardern, for her part, suggested that a hospital ward probably isn’t the best place for sex even when there isn’t a pandemic: “I would say generally, regardless of the COVID status, that kind of thing shouldn’t generally be a part of visiting hours I would’ve thought.”

Clearly she would’ve thought wrong.