Home Goods | April 7, 2020 6:22 am

This Bidet Is Porn-Star Approved and Priced Accordingly

Can't find toilet paper? Buy a bidet!

This Bidet Is Porn-Star Approved and Priced Accordingly
Hello Tushy

Let’s talk about poop. Specifically, pooping. Taking a dump, dropping a deuce, dropping the kids off at the swimming pool — whatever your preferred euphemism, we all do it, even if you don’t like to talk about it. But I’m not here to talk about the intricacies of your digestive system (here’s hoping it’s regular) but what comes after you do the deed. Presumably, you do your business, wipe until there’s nothing left to wipe and consider yourself finished.

While you might walk away from the whole ordeal feeling clean (and maybe a few pounds lighter), it’s time to consider that you could feel even fresher post-dump, and all that’s required is one thing: a bidet. Yes, that fancy French contraption that seemingly only exists in Parisian hotels. Despite all the shit bidets receive (get it?) the French are on to something.

Besides, acquiring a bidet isn’t as complicated as it might sound. In fact, it’s pretty easy, and there’s a fairly booming bidet market, especially now that toilet paper has become such a hot commodity. Take brand TUSHY, a brand that makes “modern” bidets. Their latest bidet was born out of a collaboration with porn star Asa Akira, the result being the Asa Wash. The attachment is the exact same one as TUSHY’s Classic — except it’s $20 cheaper (at a nice $69), isn’t sold out and has the stamp of approval from a porn star.

The installation only takes 10 minutes: you unscrew the toilet seat, attach the Asa Wash and then connect it to your water source. Depending on the severity of your… movement, you can adjust the nozzle from a “gentle butt spritz” to a “power wash.” And if the prospect of having a squeaky clean butthole isn’t enough to entice you, just think of the money you’ll save on toilet paper, which you can barely find anyway.

But seriously, it’s time you start washing your ass.

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