The Wrigley Field Beer Bat Is a Terrible Idea
You can buy them at the park or order them online — and we're feeling conflicted
Ever hear of the Cleveland Indians’ Ten Cent Beer Night promotion? If you’re unfamiliar, read the Wikipedia page. Or just look at Google Image search results. It did not end well.
But that’s Cleveland. So let’s remember the Chicago White Sox Disco Demolition Night, another baseball-related event with its own Wikipedia page. Also did not end well.
But those examples of baseball and drinking don’t concern Chicago’s Northsiders. Steve Bartman definitely concerns the Cubs. And wouldn’t you know it, there’s a Wikipedia page on the Steve Bartman incident. I’m sure glad there weren’t plastic bats that doubled as beer vessels sold at Wrigley Field in 2003.
New for 2023, Wrigley Field is selling the beer bat. It’s awesome. Soon enough, it’s going to have its own Wikipedia page.
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The beer bat is not going to be available forever. According to the vendor that sold us ours, “Everyone wants one.” Based on how many beer bats I saw inside and outside the park on a recent Friday afternoon, she was entirely correct. These things were everywhere. Most groups of people over the age of 21 had at least one bat per person. I saw a group of four, and each person left the park with four bats. That’s 16 bats. Sixteen! And they’re not cheap. It’s $29 for the bat, filled with 26 ounces of any beer you like (we got Goose Island Hazy Bear Hug because it’s appropriate for the club and has a 6.8% ABV, but everyone we’ve spoken with ordered Old Style, and that’s just dumb because Old Style is 4.64% ABV and tastes not good once it’s warm). They’re absurd, and I am very glad I got one — and kinda pissed at myself for not getting a second one.
The bats are relatively well-constructed. They don’t break easily, though if you give anything to a toddler, especially a plastic bat that doubles as a beer stein, they’re going to want to use it. So our plastic beer bat is no longer able to hold beer. A refill, which is available at the park for $15, was not an option for us.
You can now purchase just the beer bat from the Chicago Cubs official online store. It’s $24.99 before tax and shipping. I do not want this bat, because this bat is a rip-off. It comes with zero ounces of beer of your choosing. What are you supposed to do with this bat? You get the bat at the park because of the absurd experience of drinking beer from a bat at a baseball game. This is some real minor league-level of gimmick, and it’s absolutely perfect at one of the best ballparks in the world. At home, it’s just weird.
I’m picking up at least one more of these the next time I’m at Wrigley. They’re not going to last because they’re in demand and, sooner or later, they’re going to be used the way bats are meant to be used, by someone who drank too many beers out of their bats. And they’re going to be thrown onto the field. It’ll all be on Wikipedia soon enough.
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