These days, there are reality shows about any subset of people you can imagine: Mormon housewives, hoarders, men and women struggling with their weight, people bringing their foreign fiancées to America via K-1 visas, the crew working aboard a luxury yacht. But lately, there’s been a new group taking over our televisions: virgins.
It started back in June with TLC’s Virgins, which followed four adults in their 30s and 40s as they attempted to find love — or at least someone to have sex with for the first time. (Spoiler alert: by the end of the season, all four of them were still virgins.) On Monday, Hulu will drop all 10 episodes of Are You My First?, a Love Island-esque dating show featuring a cast made up entirely of virgins and hosted by Colton Underwood, who was famously a virgin during his tenure on The Bachelor. Earlier this summer, that same streaming service rolled out Summer of 69, a comedy in which a sexually inexperienced high-schooler enlists the help of a stripper to learn more about the birds and the bees. All this comes as The 40-Year-Old Virgin, the surprisingly sweet Steve Carell classic that deterred an entire generation of men from getting their chest waxed, celebrates its 20th anniversary this month.
Let’s not forget the countless coming-of-age comedies that follow teens on a quest to punch their V-card. (Superbad, Sex Drive, Blockers, The To Do List, Easy A and No Hard Feelings are just the first that immediately come to mind.) Two decades after The 40-Year-Old Virgin, it feels as though there are more chaste people onscreen than ever. It begs the question: why are we so obsessed with stories about virgins?
Anyone who’s already familiar with TLC’s freak-show reality programming shouldn’t be surprised that Virgins is primarily concerned with shock factor. Among its cast are Sonali, a 37-year-old from a strict Indian household who has never so much as masturbated before; Rhasha, a 42-year-old divorced virgin (yes, you read that correctly); Deanne, a 35-year-old with impossibly high standards who seems like she might actually be asexual; and Alex, a socially awkward 34-year-old who still lives at home with his parents.
There’s something about it that feels exploitative. It’s never mentioned outright, but it’s clear there are some mental health issues at play here. (With the exception of Deanne, none of the cast members are virgins by choice.) It’s clear that producers encouraged them to divulge their virginity on first or second dates with potential love interests to maximize the awkwardness, and at some points, they’re thrust into situations they’re clearly not comfortable with. (Sonali visits a therapist who recommends she utilize the services of a “sex surrogate.” This woman visibly winced when a man touched her shoulders, and you want her to sleep with a stranger?)
The network is clearly banking on people tuning in to gawk at their inexperience. Presumably, we want to watch virgins like these to feel better about our own sex lives. Sure, I’m single, we tell ourselves. But at least I’m not a virgin in my 30s.
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Stars like Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus were flaunting their pre-marital virginity pledges and purity rings. But, uh, why?Are You My First? takes a different approach. The majority of the cast members are still in their 20s, and most of them are virgins by choice. (There are a lot of Mormons and conservative Christians on the show waiting until they’re married to have sex.) With the exception of one token dorky guy, they’re all conventionally attractive, and their virginity feels less pitiable. One contestant in her 30s even admits, “I would have sex with a stranger before I’m a 40-year-old virgin.”
At first glance, Are You My First? feels pretty similar to any other reality dating show. Are the weekly eliminations called “Virgin Sacrifices”? Sure. Is the very first shot of the series a not-at-all-subtle clip of a volcano erupting? You bet. Do the hosts take every possible opportunity to throw in a sexual innuendo? Of course. It’s goofy, but it’s seriously clued-in to one key fact: Gen Z is having less sex than the generations before it. A dating show that features a bunch of hot people in swimsuits flirting with each other at some tropical destination but won’t alienate Gen Zers who are abstaining from sex for whatever reason feels like a ratings home run.
But just as The 40-Year-Old Virgin had more heart than it originally let on, Are You My First? does have a few fascinating subjects. One contestant declares, “I’m still a virgin because I don’t lose, period,” and explains that she sees withholding sex as a way to achieve more power in her relationships. “Do you think Anne Boleyn went from lady-in-waiting to Queen of freakin’ England because she put out?” she asks, perhaps unaware that Anne Boleyn was eventually beheaded. As the show unfolds, she starts to realize that perhaps she’s holding everyone at a distance as a defense mechanism.
Another cast member, a bottle-service waitress at a nightclub, is quickly dubbed “the hottest girl here” by all the male contestants. Yet she immediately gravitates to the one shy nerd in the house because she suffers from vaginismus and he makes her feel comfortable. He doesn’t pressure her, he makes her laugh and he treats her like a person instead of an object. (Imagine that!) Their relationship is sweet, and with sex off the table, their courtship feels quaint. It’s easy to root for them.
Isn’t that what ultimately drives pop culture’s preoccupation with virginity? We all love an underdog story, and rooting for a group of misfits to find love (or sex, or both) is entertaining. In the instances where our innocent protagonists manage to succeed on their quests, it’s reassuring; there’s a lid for every pot, as they say. There’s something particularly appealing these days about watching simple, unsullied innocence. The world may be a scary place, but seeing Rhasha the 42-year-old divorced virgin erupt into giggles after a little peck from a date is a balm.
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