My boyfriend and I have very different walking paces. He tends to be a speed walker, and it’s become one of my biggest pet peeves. I love walking with him, but in those moments where he occasionally gets too far ahead of me, it can feel incredibly frustrating. Once I catch up, I like to start speed walking to see if he’ll try to keep up with me, and it makes us both laugh it off. Call me slow, call me petty, but as it turns out, I’m not alone in these frustrations.
It turns out that frequent instances of this can be a major relationship red flag. In a recently viral TikTok video, user Grace Vienna recounts a memory with her ex-boyfriend where they were running late to a dinner reservation in Madrid, saying they were both running to the restaurant and he was running quite far ahead of her.
Please Don’t Refer to Women as “Females”
An explainer on the difference between referring to a group of women as “women” versus “females”The text on the video says, “a man that walks in front of you does not love you,” which is what she was both thinking and saying out loud as this was happening. She took out her phone and filmed him ahead of her, has since deleted the video but said she wished she kept it, suggesting it was a gut instinct she wished she’d listened to.
Maybe two isolated instances aren’t enough to convince you you’re being impolite when you walk ahead of your girlfriend, but across social media, this has always been popular discourse.
In the subreddit r/AskWomenOver30, a woman asks if a man walking really far ahead of his female partner is a sign of narcissism.
“I remember many years ago telling my therapist at the time that the guy I was seeing walked so fast that I had to rush to keep up with him. She raised her eyebrows and made a remark about that, and it made me realise that I was doing a lot of ‘work’ to stay in that relationship and that he probably didn’t really care about me. The walking fast was a symbol for the whole thing that was wrong with that relationship,” reads one of the top replies.
“Never go out with a man that walks this far in front of you,” the user in this TikTok video says, switching the camera to a man who is walking about 10 steps ahead. The video was posted in December and received more than three million likes.
In this Instagram video, user @lefrenchhusband says if a man is walking too far ahead of his girlfriend, it means he’s “focusing on his own path and pace.”
“A true gentleman understands that walking with her means being present, being attentive,” he says. “So, the next time you see him walking ahead, remember he’s giving you a preview of his priorities.”
Naturally, women want to be respected and seen. They want to walk next to you and talk to you, not feel left behind or try to communicate from 10 feet away. Walking next to your partner shows you’re really with her and see her as someone you want to be with. Otherwise, it’s just blatantly disrespectful and rude.
There’s a lot of etiquette, and even romance, that happens when men are walking with their partners. You can hold hands or go arm-in-arm. If you need to pass by a group or enter a door, the man should usually gesture for their woman to walk by or in first. If you’re walking through a crowd, that’s maybe the only time where walking in front is acceptable, as long as you’re creating a path for her and not ultimately leaving her behind. Grabbing her hand or reaching behind you toward her is a sign you’re not intentionally trying to get too far ahead and want her to stay close. If you’re walking in a city or along a busy street, it’s usually customary for the man to stay along the outside path, next to the commotion.
None of us are perfect, and it may not feel like a big deal to you in the moment, but it’s worth considering how it might make your partner feel. It’s also a great opportunity to hear her out and show her you’re able to make small changes to improve your relationship dynamic. It’s one thing to take the feedback and make changes — it’s another to make it a repeated pattern without any consideration.
It’s okay to slow down and match her pace, even if you’re in a rush to get somewhere. It shows you’re willing to meet her where she is and want to stay by her side, especially in a time when you’re both under pressure.
Ultimately, a lot of this is common sense, and the rule is simple: Walk side-by-side.
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