There’s a Reason Why Zero-Gravity Sex Is Impossible

Blame NASA and Sir Isaac Newton

August 2, 2016 9:00 am

As Enos the self-loving chimpanzee (nicknamed “The Penis”) demonstrated to NASA when he was launched into orbit back in the ’60s, having sex in space is totally possible.

That is, if you do it with yourself. Docking with another celestial body? Not so much.

As retired Commander Chris Hadfield — who went to space on three separate occasions — told Fusion: “I was an astronaut for 21 years and I know of absolutely no instance on any spaceflight.”

The difficulties associated with joining the 62-mile-high club are many, but they basically boil down to two major hurdles that, at least thus far, nobody seems to have overcome.

  1. Astronauts are too busy doing important tasks to stay alive.
  2. Physics.

As Fusion points out, “Just as using a toilet in space presents a unique set of challenges, so does every single other physical undertaking, including sex, which is complicated by the fact it involves two people trying to connect with each other among the forces of Newtonian physics.”

Not only would zero-gravity hanky panky be difficult, awkward and impractical, it would also be dangerous due to the likelihood of forceful collisions between partners of different weights. A possible solution to the problem would be to create a small, confined area with built-in restraints, but thus far NASA and other space outfits have yet to install such a section — the prudes.

Until they do, Houston (and anyone with dreams of some interstellar nookie) has a problem.

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