Each year, Google releases data about its most-searched terms so anyone can see what recipe (green bean casserole), meme (Harambe) or song (“Formation”) people looked up the most.
Google also has search data on a topic that’s of particular interest come January 1st: diets.
In 2016, the most popular diet searches were (in ascending order): GOLO Diet, Taco Diet, Military Diet Substitutes, Atkins 40, Ketogenic Diet Foods, Dissociated Diet, Wild Diet, Pizza Diet, Dukan Diet Results and Mono Diet.
Since most of those sound downright terrible, we took the liberty of ranking them (in descending order) from “that sounds downright draconian” to “pizza.”
10. Dukan Diet: A keto-esque regimen sometimes called “the secret of the French.” It’s a secret they can keep.
9. Dissociated Diet: This diet sounds like it entails a trip to the shrink. Might help, but we’ll pass.
8. GOLO Diet: Instead of counting calories, you manage your insulin. There’s less math, but eh.
7. Military Diet Substitutes: The actual diet is crappy enough, but the substitutions sound worse.
6. Mono Diet: Having to eat only one food, unless it’s tacos or pizza, does not a good diet make.
5. Ketogenic Diet Foods: Basically Atkins sans the carbs. As one expert said: “F*ck that noise.”
4. Wild Diet: A variation of the Paleo Diet that, last time we checked, killed off all the cavemen.
3. Atkins 40: Beer isn’t really allowed, but burgers, bacon and bourbon are acceptable. Not bad.
2. Taco Cleanse: If eating tacos for every meal is wrong, we don’t wanna be right.
1. Pizza Diet: It won’t work, but who cares? For best results, pair with a beer at every meal.
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