The 10 Commandments of Après Ski, According to Bode Miller

On ski-boot protocol, shotskis and knowing when to go home

By Walker Loetscher

 
The 10 Commandments of Après Ski, According to Bode Miller
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16 March 2017

You are a man of occasions. And occasions are attended by, if not rules, then norms. Unspoken codes of conduct that you (and the dudes you choose to keep company with) simply abide. This is the layman’s cheat sheet to all that: The 10 Commandments, in which we team up with a bona fide guru to lay out the rules every man should commit to memory before attending a given engagement.

This week: six-time Olympic medalist Bode Miller schools us on how to avoid faux pas at a proper après ski. (Ed. note: And if you want some on-piste know-how from Bode, be sure to tune in to the Audi FIS World Cup Finals on NBC Sports this weekend.)

Without further ado …

1. On the earliest plausible time one can start an après ...
“As far as I can tell from watching the European culture, après starts whenever one pleases. Sometimes après ski starts the day before.”

2. On proper ski boot protocol ...
“Leave them on.”

3. On what constitutes an acceptable après drink ...
“At the end of a day of hard skiing, whatever floats your boat. I usually like a beer.”

4. On whether a middle-aged dude with a guitar must be present ...
“There's lots of variation for music during après ski. The accordion being foremost.”

5. On whether one should wear sunglasses inside ...
“Unless they're prescription, lame.”

6. On who buys the first round ...
“Whoever is the most generous.”

7. On how much a man can exaggerate his exploits from the day ...
“Minimum of 30%. No maximum. But I think there is a multiplier in there depending upon how many drinks you’ve had.”

8. On how many shotskis is too many shotskis ...
“That depends on what’s in them.”

9. On the circumstances under which it is acceptable to carry a snow bunny’s skis ...
“Under every circumstance. Especially if the snow bunny is your wife.”

10. On when it’s time to head home ...
“When it’s dumping snow outside and tomorrow’s going to be a powder day.”

10a. On who drives home ...
“A yellow car with the word ‘taxi’ on top.”

As for what to wear? Try Aztech Mountain, a Bode-endorsed label that makes handsome on-mountain gear that plays equally in the lodge. To wit:

Clockwise from top left: Triangle Jacket, $910; Loge Peak Quilted Shirt, $485; High Alpine Vest, $486; Ute Trail Pant, $295; Performance Ski Pant, $507

All images via Aztech Mountain

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