Does Martha Stewart Have a Boyfriend?

As we have previously established, everyone obviously wants to marry Martha Stewart. Unfortunately for the many eager suitors who reportedly flocked to the lifestyle mogul’s DMs after she dropped the hottest swimming pool selfie of the season last summer, it would seem the 80-year-old heartthrob is officially off the market.

Stewart seemed to suggest she is spoken for during an appearance on Watch What Happens Live last week. Like the classy dame she is, however, the noted mug-hater declined to reveal any further information about her lucky beau.

“No,” she initially told host Andy Cohen when asked if there was anyone special in her life, before clarifying, “I shouldn’t say no. I mean yes, but I’m not going to tell you.”

While Stewart seems to be keeping tight-lipped about the current state of her love life for the time being, she did open up about another rumored flame to whom she was once linked: Larry King. Stewart told Cohen that rumors flew back in the day when she joined the late TV host for dinner at Elio’s in New York City, but according to Stewart, it wasn’t what it looked like — not as far as she was concerned, anyway.

“I thought we were just talking about journalism etc. etc., and then he sort of got a little amorous,” she recalled, clarifying, in rather blunt terms, that King was simply not her type.

“Larry King was not my type romantically,” she told Cohen, adding a knowing, “If you get what I mean.”

Apparently not quite getting it, Cohen sought clarification. “You just mean physically he wasn’t your type?” he asked, to which Stewart delivered a frank, “No, not at all.”

Coming to King’s defense, however, Cohen claimed to have it on good authority from an anonymous source that the late host just so happened to be “enormously endowed.” Stewart, for her part, confirmed that she never had the opportunity to verify that rumor for herself, but added that while size does matter, no level of endowment would have improved King’s chances.

“Size always matters, in almost everything,” she told Cohen. “But not necessarily — it depends also on the whole package.”

Well, this has clearly been a lot of information, so let’s review what we’ve learned today. Martha Stewart has a mystery boyfriend, Larry King probably had a huge dick, and Martha Stewart believes that size matters. I’m not entirely sure what to do with this wealth of information, but I certainly encourage you to go forth and do with it what you will.