15 (Spoiler-Free!) Questions About ‘The Last Jedi,’ Answered

You should already know who Luke’s father is ...

By The Editors
December 15, 2017 9:00 am

To be frank, The Last Jedi is not the original three Star Wars.

But that’s not necessarily a bad thing; life evolves, as do the movies we watch while enduring it.

No spoilers here, but in case you forgot, Han Solo (patricide), Jabba the Hut (strangulation) and Darth Vader (opposite of patricide) are no longer active players in the Star Wars universe. So don’t expect to see them in the new movie. But fan faves like Lando Calrissian, Nien Nunb and Luke Skywalker are all still in play.  We won’t tell you if they’re in the new film or not, but we will review the new film as thoroughly as possible without spoiling things.

Should I see it? Yep. We don’t use the term “Blockbuster” lightly (RIP), but this is one.

When should I go? Based on the screening we attended, probably ASAP because spoilers are gonna be more prevalent than tweets from the president on a Sunday morning.

Who’s the league MVP? Crazy to repeat ourselves, but it’s still BB-8. The most likable robot in the franchise’s history reprises his role as also being the most useful. Keep it rolling little guy.

How ‘bout the old school MVP? We’re not gonna go there cause of the whole spoiler-free situation. What we will say is there are a lot of deserving candidates who you should be well-acquainted with at this point.

What will people cheer the most? In our experience, the signature yellow-block-caps opening crawl, and the credits. Be prepared, it clocks in at around 2.5 hours and there is a little bit of drag in the middle. (Get your bathroom trips in beforehand, folks!) The last 45 minutes are strong. 

When do people laugh? Actually, quite frequently. The Last Jedi has got quips! 

The plot: Allegiances are tested. Mistakes are made. Some, though not all, of said mistakes are rectified. The Furby-esque Porgs are in it way less than you think.

Wait, is that the guy from the Heineken ads? Oh, you mean Benicio Del Toro? Yeah, he’s in this thing and plays a bigger role than you might think.

Lifetime achievement award: Shout-out to John Williams. His score doesn’t miss a beat. There are new themes that fit the film’s fresh feel, but it’s his mastery of nostalgia that makes him the GOAT. 

Best reunion: You want us to say Leia and Luke, but we can’t tell you whether that even happens, and besides, having Oscar Isaac (Poe Dameron) and Domnhall Gleeson (General Hux) of Ex Machina fame back at each other’s throats is a welcome treat.

Fitness: Big win for gyms everywhere! Daisy Ridley is in way better physical shape than past Jedi. No wonder, considering this routine. Is CrossFit the savior for the galaxy? For the sake of everyone’s ears, we hope not.

Told to shut up more than once: C-3PO still can’t catch a break. 

Should I bring my lightsaber? Depends. Make sure it’s one of those handy models that clips to a belt. Don’t be a nuisance. 

Kiss cam: There is at least one smooch. Get your bets in now. 

Was this one of those filler sequels? No. And cheer up, huh? It’s the holidays. 

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