Gear | December 12, 2016 9:00 am

We’ll Say It: The World’s First “Smart” Bidet Is Unequivocally Awesome

We, for one, welcome the end of wiping

I was at dinner with some friends recently and we spent nearly the entire time talking about the merits of our bathroom habits. Specifically, how we wipe, and why — in 2016 — no one had invented a modern bidet. Wiping just seems a bit barbaric compared to other habits that have long since gone by the wayside (not to mention how wasteful it is).

Naturally, I sit down at my computer today and what do I happen upon?

The Kickstarter for the Brondell Swash, aka the world’s first “smart” bidet.

Coincidence? You betcha. But I do love it, because as an aging man, my visits to the toilet have become a game of Russian Roulette (even when you get one free, you still have to check, so it’s really not free, am I right?).

Hell, I know I’m right. Not only has the Swash raised $50,000 more than its goal as of press time, but a lion’s share of the donations are for the full purchase price, meaning that most of the supporters really feel the need to be own one.

Despite featuring perhaps the grossest GIFs ever on their crowdfunding page, the product actually looks like a commodious commode. It has adjustable water jets and an air dryer in addition to its seat warmer and nightlight. The best part is it’s all programmable and adjustable via a remote control, so everyone in your home or office can customize it.

Brondell also makes heated john seats, so this upgrade is — no pun intended — the Toilet 2.0.