We Just Launched a Travel Concierge. It’s Ridiculous.

Perfect vacations, curated by algorithm

By The Editors
April 1, 2016 9:00 am

We know our readers.

Benefit of working online. We get data by the gigabyte-ful.

Crunching these numbers, we know you like tiny houses, treehouses, grilled meats, personal subs, life hacks, drones and whatever this is.

So: we’re going to use this info and help you in a BIG way.

Your next vacation starts now: Welcome to Ultimate Experiences, InsideHook’s inaugural concierge travel club.

Using a combo of A.I., proprietary algorithms, SEO and social media data points, we’ve crafted vacations that align exactly with your interests.

Launching today, IHUE (pronounced “I-hew”) takes a unique approach to curating a travel experience.

“We threw out the human element,” says founder Ted Macro. “Using experts and gut feelings is a thing of the past. Given the data we receive every day, we can pinpoint exactly what our readers want.”

He continues. “For example, we know our readers share articles about unusual architecture, especially treehouses. And for home design, they gravitate toward the tiny house movement. Why not just combine that?”

Ergo, IHUE’s first vacation spot: a tiny home within a five-star treehouse.

“Once you rely purely on raw data, you can see patterns,” says Macro. “We can even target specific demographics. For example, our more millennial readers like high tech, artisanal food products and unfettered optimism. Plus, they’re night owls. So … thinking aloud here … maybe we’ll do something at two in the morning where Bernie Sanders does a live Reddit AMA projected onto a 100-foot floating screen while drones deliver microbrews and Kurobuta bacon. The possibilities are endless.”

While nothing’s set in stone — itineraries and even locations can change based upon minute-by-minute statistical analysis of browsing patterns — Macro suggests programs based around “manly transport, meat advice and/or things that let you live in or underwater” will up for consideration.

“Plus, something with leather. With a nostalgic bent. And, um, tanks you can rent. Pretty women with large Instagram followings who conduct productivity seminars. And our version of TED Talks. Since my name’s Ted, I’m thinking ‘Me’ Talks.”

One thing’s for sure: you’ll never know what you’ll get.

But it’s exactly what you want. No two ways about it.

To sign up, please send an e-mail with the subject line “IHUE Travel” and your name to ihuetravel@gmail.com


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