The point of camping out — besides drinking, eating and not having to aim when you pee — is to have something go wrong and then fix it, thereby proving humankind can still be self-reliant.
In this day and age, when many kids likely haven’t slapped a mosquito or patched something with duct tape without Googling how to do it first, learning a little self-reliance is no small thing.
That’s why the new smart tents that British telecommunications company EE just pitched at the Glastonbury Music Festival aren’t just bad for concertgoers, they’re bad for the entire world.
Equipped with many of the same features you’d find in an ultra-modern home, the 4GEE Smart Tent is a wifi-connected 4G hotspot that’s been outfitted with a fridge that tweets for refills when supplies are running low, VR headsets showing festival highlights in 360-degree video, six screens showing live streams from the festival’s stages and voice-activated mood lighting LEDs.
As if all that, pardon our French, crap, isn’t enough, EE’s Smart Tent even has a kettle for tea, an assortment of cooling fans and a shoe warmer to keep everyone’s tootsies nice and toasty.
Smart tent (3 images)
The redeeming feature of the Glastonbury glamping experience is that many of the high tech upgrades in the tent are powered by solar panels, but that’s not quite enough to woo us.
“We wanted to create a 4GEE Smart Tent that tested the latest tech-inspired comforts,” said EE director of communications Mat Sears. “While camping is a massive part of any music festival, it’s not always the most comfortable experience.”
Exactly. And that’s kind of the point.