The Best Canned Cocktails Money Can Buy

January 8, 2017 5:00 am
All the Best Canned Cocktails
(Courtesy of Cooper Spirits Co.)
(Getty Images)
(Getty Images)
Getty Images

There’s a lot of stuff that’s been canned in the world: beer, mushrooms, Campbell’s soup, laughter. You name it, and it’s probably been encased in aluminum at some point.

But one thing you hardly ever hear about is a canned cocktail. The curlicue-mustached mixologists of the world scoff at such ridiculousness. “Bah!” they all say in unison. At all the luxury hotel bars and grand soirées you’ve ever been to, that guy (or someone like him) has been stirring the pours of several shiny bottles together in a single glass, dropping a slow-melting ice cube in, and finishing it off with a sprig of some cultivated-on-site herb. It’s a process, to say the least. And a pricey one at that.

But we’re here to tell you there’s another way. What if you could get those same classic cocktails or whimsical flavor mixtures in a can? No more waiting around idly at the bar … no more guessing whether the contents of your highball’s going to strike out or hit a home run. Hear this: When it comes to canned cocktails, you get the same quality drink every single time.

So to help you make your way around this creative twist on the norm, we’ve collected all the greatest canned cocktails and put them in one place. Drink on!

Hochstadter’s Slow & Low Rock and Rye

You won’t be finding these 100 milliliter babies on your next international flight, but they should find their way into your repertoire (and mini-fridge) ASAP. If you’re unfamiliar with the “rock and rye” concept, in the early 1800s, rye was often served un-aged, which gave its drinkers the jolt they needed but left a mark on their gullet. Bartenders started to mix the drink with rock candy to strip away a bit of the edge, and it soon became a staple. But there’s more to Hochstadter’s than just aged straight rye whiskey and rock candy. This extra dry, 84-proof canned cocktail also includes a shot of 100 percent raw honey, air-dried naval oranges, and angostura bitters. For more on the cocktail, click here.

All the Best Canned Cocktails
(Courtesy of Cooper Spirits Co.)

Coco Vodka

This Melbourne, Australia–based canned brand is all about simplicity and well, vodka and rum. If you’ve ever hydrated after a good workout with a coconut water, this is its naughty neighbor. Coco Vodka comes in three different 250-milliliter options: coconut water with triple-distilled vodka; coconut with triple-distilled vodka and a touch of guava; and coconut water with blended white rum. At the moment, it appears that you can only get the stuff in fine liquor establishments in the “Land Down Under.” But no need to run or take cover; it’s well worth the wait if you ever find yourself in Australia. Find out more about the canned cocktail here.

All the Best Canned Cocktails
(Courtesy of Coco Vodka)


Cutwater Spirits

If you’ve ever enjoyed a Ballast Point on tap at your local craft beer bar, you’ll unknowingly be familiar with the folks at Cutwater Spirits (they called the same person “boss” through December 2016). Their canned offerings are classics that use Cutwater’s own in-house-distilled spirits as the mixer. There’s the Fugu Vodka Bloody Mary, the Three Sheets White Rum and ginger, the Three Sheets White Rum and cola, and the Old Grove Gin and tonic. Each comes in a 12 oz can just like a cold one, so you can stock your fridge full of ’em. Which reminds us: The next time you stock up on eggs and pancake mix—you know, for your ritual pre-doing-nothing-all-day Sunday brunch—add in some cans of Cutwater’s Fugu Vodka Bloody Mary. For more on Cutwater’s line, click here.

Best Canned Cocktails
(Courtesy of Cutwater Spirits)

Can Can Cocktails’ Bourbon Root Beer

Launched as a Kickstarter campaign last year by artist Ryan Seng, he met the campaign’s goal (but is still accepting donations), and has now rolled out his line of canned cocktails under the Can Can Cocktail brand name. For starters, he’s offering a classic G&T; “Shady Lady” Old Fashioned; and Sacramento Local (Wheelhouse vodka, Meyer lemon, local honey, and mint). But what got us all hot under the collar was the Boar’s Bourbon Sasparilla (bourbon, root beer, and spices), which we envisioned sitting in a tall glass with a scoop of vanilla in it. Drink it straight out of the can or make a dessert with it. Either way, it’ll whet your whistle. For more on Can Can’s line of canned cocktails, click here.

All the Best Canned Cocktails
(Courtesy of Can Can Cocktails)


One would expect a company that shills classic (canned) cocktails like the Long Island Iced Tea, Hurricane, and Sex on the Beach—ripe for consumption in da club—to be based in Miami Beach or New Orleans. But it might surprise you to learn that the Clubtails brand is based out of the current frozen tundra that is Rochester, N.Y. Location aside, Clubtails offers up all the old favorites. The great thing? None of them include a sweat chaser or a lipstick glaze. For more information on Clubtails, click here.

(Courtesy of Clubtails)

While we’re at it, might you be interested in a beer that comes in a taxidermied squirrel “can”? Click here for more information.

—Will Levith for RealClearLife


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