“Wait, does this bartender actually like me? Should I ask them out?”
We’ve all thought this at one point or another in our dating lives, even if deep down we know the game: bartenders shake, pour and flirt like it’s their job because it is, in fact, their job. Sure, sometimes the flirtation is real, but 999 times out of 1,000, if a bartender is making you feel special, it’s because they’re simply being a good host.
“The fantasy of dating a bartender is usually built around the version of us that people see from the other side of the bar,” says Lefteris Lisgaras, head bartender at The Clumsies in Athens. “We’re confident, social, well-dressed and seemingly having a great time. We know everyone, we’re surrounded by interesting people and there’s always a drink, a story or a party happening somewhere.”
Ewan A. Morgan, national luxury ambassador and head of private client sales at Diageo Luxury, has a slightly more poetic view.
“People rarely choose to work in bars,” he says. “They wash up on those shores. It’s an ever-rotating cornucopia of characters, from aspiring actors, musicians, philosophy majors, restless souls, misanthropes, insomniacs — and for those who think a sensible career always sounded like it would be mind-numbingly boring.”
As a drinks writer and single woman, I’ve dated my fair share of bartenders. Here in NYC, there are more than 1,900 bars and pubs and 18,000 restaurants, many with their own independently recognized bars. That doesn’t include the extended network of industry folk, like brand reps and ambassadors, many of whom are former bar staff. In the course of a day, the odds are good that I’ll meet an attractive single man slinging drinks, but so far in my experience, the goods are pretty odd.
Working in a bar isn’t for everyone. Most shifts last 10 to 12 hours with afternoon start times and early-morning commutes home — or wherever you plan to catch a few hours of sleep. This all makes for a tight-knit community who trauma bond after late nights pumping out Espresso Martini to increasingly inebriated, sometimes thankless bargoers.
Some people find comfort in the performative nature of the job, and some have turned their love of partying into a lifestyle, but there are exceptions to the rule. According to Andrea Grujic, a bartender at Sip & Guzzle, as well as a photographer and videographer, the positives speak for themselves.
“The good ones spend their entire careers learning how to make people feel comfortable, seen and taken care of,” Grujic says. “We listen for a living. We read rooms. We remember details. We solve problems in real time. Most bartenders also become highly adaptable. When your job is controlled chaos every night, you learn patience, communication and how to stay calm when things don’t go according to plan.”
“It’s a quirky little church where the communion is amaro, confession comes at 1:17 a.m. and the priest is quietly wondering whether you’re going to tip 20%,” Morgan agrees.
Dating a bartender has its perks. They all seem to be able to walk into any bar in any city and know someone who knows someone, and at home they can whip up a perfect Dirty Martini anytime the mood strikes. Getting one to commit carries a certain cachet.
Engaging conversation and consistent eye contact may be hard to find on a first date, but they are the norm for anyone in hospitality. On the flip side, for jealous types, this might be difficult to stomach, even though it’s just part of the job.
“Does a friendly Snow White impersonator at Disney World who lets you hug her mean that she’s in love with you?” asks beverage consultant and bartender Pam Wiznitzer. “Or that kind flight attendant who snuck you an extra drink on the airplane? It’s 2026. If someone wants to cheat, they will. Just because bartenders serve hundreds of people a night, it doesn’t mean they have a leg up when it comes to cheating.”
Grujic, who is married in real life to Matt Maretz, principle bartender and bar manager of Employees Only, agrees that it comes down to the person. “People often assume that because you’re surrounded by attractive guests, alcohol and nightlife, infidelity is somehow inevitable,” she says. “In reality, cheating has much more to do with character than profession. I’ve met bartenders with incredible marriages or relationships, and I’ve met people in corporate offices who couldn’t stay faithful to save their lives.”
“If you’re single, I don’t see anything wrong with expressing interest in someone you meet at the bar,” Grujic adds. “Shoot your shot, but know where the line is — make sure you’re treating people with respect.”
Make sure you’re clear-eyed about the prospect, too. “The fantasy is dating the life of the party,” Lisgaras says. “The reality begins after the last guest leaves.”
As with dating anyone, being with a bartender involves compromise. But their profession’s opposite hours mean you’ll need to be more flexible than usual — think Saturday morning “date night” or setting an alarm so you can see them when their shift is over.
“We work nights, weekends and holidays, often when everyone else is enjoying their free time,” Lisgaras says. “The job is physically and mentally demanding, and there are days when we come home completely exhausted.”
Some bartenders actually do want a serious relationship. I haven’t encountered this in my life, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. So if you’re feeling the vibes at the bar this week, take Grujic’s advice and shoot your shot. Personally, I’m just happy being a bar regular.
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