The World Cup is played for pride, both national and personal.
And where a man’s pride is on the line, there is desperation. Desperation compels a man to do uncouth things on a soccer pitch. Cheat. Deceive. Headbutt.
Run the ol’ transitive property on that theorem and you get this: The Seven (Most Likely) Down-Low, No-Good, Dirty Rotten, Yellow-Bellied Scoundrels of the 2014 World Cup.
Because for every flag-waving hero made in Brazil this month, there will be an equal and opposite antihero. And we’ve drawn up some odds on who that rapscallion will be.
Players have been rated based on the following highly scientific criteria:
- Diving
- Cynical fouling/handballing
- Having evil-looking faces
- Benedict Arnold-ing (yes, soccer players can more or less “choose” their nationality)
- General at-large douchebaggery
Read carefully. Place bets accordingly. School your chums with your knowledge of the beautiful game’s villainy.
Then don your stars and stripes and find the nearest bar full of hooligans.
The USA plays Ghana a week from today.
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